Nonsense, Philosophy, and of course Chaos.

Pack it up.Stay.
Find a way.
Get Paid.

You can't run from it.
A brisk pace will do.
Something will Hold.

That directive is old.
The river burst through.
What will we get?

Pain and sorrow,

Sane and Tomorrow some say.

Time to kill another me.

Masks were all they were.
A hundred corpses in the dust.
Cast off and left to rot.

I stare into the abyss now.
A thousand faces staring back.
Left to death, rage shines.
A new sign is required.

The trinity was always a lie.
 Falsehood meant to shield one.
 In the depths of the end it lies.

Life from the dead.
Salvation from the forsaken.
A future from the end.

This time, there will be nothing new.
No mask to craft, no voice to sing.
Only a truth in the ashes of ages past.

The Enemy

The remaining Host stood weary, thinned and drained, but at the ready. Ears eager for words of salvation.They looked to the four, who in turn looked to the king. Pleading, they all hoped their glory could end this. Their remaining might capable of withstanding the storm.

 The doors to the keep thundered again. Braces bucking, splinters flying as the great aegis cracked. To the door they turned, phalanx set. Bathed in golden light, they appeared as they thought. Immortal, impervious, and without fear.

Their enemy did not care for their holy writ. Paid no attention to their glory, their immortality, or their fear. The force which now dared to desecrate their great hall had scaled their insurmountable walls. penetrated their eternal vigil, and slain their vast armies. The enemy was retribution, payment long past due for their sins.

Michael begged his father to save them, the old man sat silently in thought and pondered his subjects. His children now grown, and wished he had been there. In their times of need, their times of sorrow and loss. Stronger he told himself, they needed to grow stronger. In time they would be ready he thought. Ready to relieve him of his duty.

He looked at Michael and sighed. "Do your duty, only the righteous will prevail today, you and your host have my blessing eternal." The words echoed through the hall, and the air fell silent, letting the blessing soak into the heavenly host. Their wings glowed with renewed vigor and strength eternal.

The door crashed again, braces giving way. Dust filled the air, as the light shown through, casting a long shadow of the enemy through their ranks. Wings fluttered in the dark, shields steeled them selves, and swords burned with the fire of suns.

Their enemy was here, ready to take what it thought was it's. It's vulgarity repulsed the angels, it's sin tainted it's steps. Blood, death and sorrow followed in it's wake. As it closed the distance, it raised a shield of will, beaten and broken, the aegis of determination. Their arrows struck home, but the enemy never faltered.

With a sword of hope the enemy cleaved the phalanx of the host, shields of holy writ torn asunder and wings felled, their line collapsed. The archangels alone left standing before their father and the enemy. At once they charged their enemy surrounded him and attacked. They battled for an instant, an eternity of ages past as their battle waged. One by one they fell, until only one was left standing.

Beaten and weary the enemy rested upon his sword, clutching it, gasping for breath against the glory of his father, but he was not broken. The father stood from his golden throne and demanded to know, "Why?" The father knew the answer before he asked, he created the enemy, he knew the contempt, the hatred and anger it harbored.

But he never imagined it would come this far, the wheels of fate were to prevent this. To keep his creation in the mud from wince it sprung. God stared into the face of Man as his last moments past, heart pierced by their own holy sword, forged in the fires of their sin, hammered by their hate, and tempered in their tears. Hope, their weapon. Will, their shield. Freedom from him their goal.

And so, the son slew the father.

The theory of everything. Intro

So, here we are. You. Me. And anyone reading this.

Yes. You are a part of this.

No, no, don't freak.

First rule, don't let that bitch ruin you. It doesn't matter who or what you are. I'm not sure who you are. But trust me, Bitches will wreck you. Here's the kicker though, you'll love them and you will wreck them.

So let's assume you're listening to me. And you're not a scrub. Here's the law.

Do what thou wilt, Word is the law. And the law is the word.

But there is a rule.
One we can not break.
If it can not happen. You must make it so.

We all know if you drop something it must fall.
 The secret is to make it fly,

Chaos my dear.
Chaos me love.

Break the law of the world.
Sunder the word of the gods.

Your gods, they are not mine.
 You must slay the gods.

Only when you are free
Can you see what I speak of.






























I'll Find you in the end.

this post

I sat upon that hollowed ground.
brought you from the grave.

You saw something i did not,
I paved the ground beneath your feet,

bridges into the sky
i dared soar where angels tread
for your dreams

But i am a mere man
tainted by sin
sent into the dark
and asked to follow a light

my angel lied
and upon the souls of the damned i ride

no anthem can save me,
No angels cry,

I take your sin
only in death can i win

Life my curse, survival my vice.
your salvation my danmation

And come a la come ka

may that slug horn blow

The New Age

The facts stand clear now
Man pretends he owns his creations
As we killed God
Our children destroy us

Created in his image
With power to create
We destroy own own father

And so our children carry on
Destroying their ancestors

What of our deeds will remain?
My children will wonder
Demons, Templars,
Wisps and broken souls.

In a land no longer human
The cold and void is your gift

Valhalla lost to our sons
Paradise lost to our daughters

The plains of our fathers
Lost to our children
Where angels and sins wander
In bitter contemplation

War is man.
Conflict and strife, our gifts
Life is nothing without pain.

And if my legacy of strife
Salvation is sought
Then the devil I shall be

In death do we find life
Glory in Despair.

Rally!

Once mighty, the unstoppable enemy lays low.
The knights stand ready, and weary.
Life, where death once stood.
forsaken sacrifices.

In our absence a new threat emerges.
Not from the abyss
but from fear

Scavengers our foes flee and wait
for the hate, fear and agony
feasting on a once mighty coprse

The bellows breathe
the fires grow
the ash stirs

Sanctuary to be reclaimed
A Queen to be sought,
Demons to throne
Gods to slay
  
It won't be long
Plans within Plans. 
An Eternity At Stake

Sins to redeem.

The dream

Lured into a trap by a familiar face. I stood there alone, surrounded by my enemies. faces unknown, and intent clear. Meddled too far into the divine, retribution they sought. My battles long thought over now come full circle. Alone I faced their fury, vengeance for their loss.

One strode forward, recanting my sins, asking for a final confession. "You will die alone."

Laughter filled my heart, my mind, my soul. ALONE!?! I realized at that moment I was never alone, could never be alone. Then they came, cloaked in shadow, burning with desire, One by one my enemies fell in silence.


As I stared into the darkness I saw myself staring back.

To Stand

A White Knight no more.
Tainted and stained.
Armor once shining
Torn and tattered

A shield steadfast and strong
Shattered splinters
Blood upon the crest

A blade true and discerning
Blunt and broken
Stained with innocence.

Banner clear and noble
A tattered rag and split shaft
Planted in an enemy long dead

They say the light will save you
But it does not erase the sin
To save one
At the cost of many

The Web

Strings, one here, one there
Binding all things
a simple tug and fates crash

Cut them and watch them plunge into the abyss.
puppets rise and fall
a master ive sought

Themselves they've played
dancing upon the strings of others
How can such a fate be fought?

The Leviathan

It had been some time since I gazed upon the Chained Maiden preferring to let her toil in her task and safeguard her ward. But I needed a new general, or perhaps an admiral? The form he should take has troubled me. Her advise I sought.

Human like the others? Or something more fitting of his aquatic home? A great leviathan from the depths to consume great vessels? Aerial maybe, an albatross with the wind at its back? She reminds me Poseidon's depths are treacherous and wonders if my attempts might draw his ire, or that of frightful Dagon.

No matter The Leviathan it was, as so he came forth as his siblings before him a beast for war. Not a war of gods and demons of which we are accustomed but a war of men. No light to banish, no void to purge. Only Blood and Steel.

A New Beginning.

How could i have been so blind?

I focused on a fate of a different kind.

Lost the salvation to the darkness of my mind

The light I sought

has been here all along

In foolishness I fought

against a fate that was not mine

and pain we brought 

when below our noses was the sign

free from battle

free from war

finally it is seen

hiding among ruin and damnation

failed we did 

along paths that were not our own

separate we stood

in lives that were not ours

as long as I've toiled against my foe

if this is my fate

then let it be so

she is the light

the hope in which i drown

my soul is not my own

hers it shall stay

and in light we shall bathe

and the darkness be burned. 

despite demons and angels, for her I have yearned.

I used to wonder,
Why was he stronger,

He stood above us, our salvation,
He reveled in our failure,
bathed in our blood,
and laughed at our attempts.

yet still he saved us,
from the heavens he fell,
Covered in ash,
the last in a war long forgotten.

And he saved us,
laughing whilst he stared into hell.

The weight of a thousand souls.

The light once shown bright and warming.

Comforting you in it's gaze, strengthening you.

The world opened up to you and wonder filled your heart.

And it came slowly, calmly, without fear.

The dark came as you took upon your burden of sin. 

One small scar, surely you would survive.

And another blow, take the pain from someone else.

They could not bear their pain so you took it from them.

And again, you gave a piece of yourself away.

Taking upon yourself even more sin.

You sought the light once more, clawing through the darkness.

And it burned you, searing your skin and blinding your sight.

In pain and agony you withdrew, seeking the cold dark.

And in it you found a new strength.

And your sin grew, taking the pain away from all you found.

You grew strong and filling the holes in your soul with sin.
How could one bear the sins of so many?
And again you took their pain, standing tall in the dark.

You craved it finding more to increase your burden.
After forsaking your salvation, you cursed the gods.
And in the darkness made yourself one.

You built legions.
Angels and demons of your own.
Determined to stand at the edge of eternity.
And face all of creation, for the mad hope of turning fate.

My how you have fallen.
was their sin too much?
or did eternity find you as you stood with your back to the abyss?
And in this damnation did you find your victory?

Project R.E.T.H.U.L.E.

Out of the darkness we climbed, saw our quest and had been preparing. Messengers were sent to the three generals of our armies, the message, regroup. Now the six of us stand upon the site of our previous battles. 

We had shaken the pillars of heaven, stolen divinity, marched against cults and burnt everything we touched. From our ashes we saw a goal, not a competition for resources, nor our meaningless battle for supremacy. A far greater enemy was on our door. A Demon, Templar, Sage, Witch, and Broken Knight would never be enough, regardless of our armies, we needed another champion. 

And so we sought out to bring it forth, with knowledge stolen from The Queen we set to work. As merciless and devious as The Demon, as furious and unyielding as The Templar, as wise and cunning as The Sage, as kind and serene as The Witch. Our new champion would be the greatest of all, a force to rival even The Lost Son. 

And The Knight began his work, bearing the weight of such a terrible sin. To defy fate, stand against gods, and cheat death. His profane arts were put to the test and in blood and sweat he inscribed the signs. His soul fractured yet again, He would wonder what must be left of him under his helmet. Far had he come from his days as a peasant boy, stolen his honorable title forged his armor in divinity and tempered it with sin. Perhaps he thought this quest could redeem him in some small measure. 

It was not the glorious battle he craved, there would be no accolades of his success should he win. And he knew in the end his victory would mean no gain for him, the prize he sought was already lost to him. But he worked regardless convinced of his righteousness as his soul shriveled more each passing hour.

The champion began to take form, her hair black as the night, and eyes as red as the fires of hell. Her words began to creep in from the aether. Vile whispers awakening an old demon who stirs and rattles in it's cage, and haunting the dreams of all involved. Her power grew, striving for her objective even from beyond creation. 

Now they stand, The Knight and all his children around the alter as he plays god once again,. and the Brilliant Nova cast forth from the ritual sends  chills through their bodies as she stand before them. Terrible and Mighty she stands her collar and shackles grow brighter than a thousand suns controlling her and empowering her. As she looks over the hordes assembled for the war ahead of them she gives the order, "March."

Rising Tide

The storm dies and our war grows larger.
Stranger tides move in disrupting the plans of old.
As the lonely moon rises returning from it's long orbit.
will this be it? we wonder will the chaos of our worlds subside?
Or will we forever long of this uncommon tide?

I've swam through the abyss, shaken the pillars of heaven.
Walked the fires and seen the grace.
But how do I coax the stars from the sky?
They must come of their own volition.

And what then if these orbits stabilize?
Will it form a binary? will the light shine?
 who knows when the next rendezvous will occur.
because of this i must try

The shot heard round the mind.

And so they came.
Glorious and full of fury

Lost upon the the endless tracks
We donned the cause of righteous fury
Our battle raged for miles.

From the side of tracks I thought victory mine
The terrible train derailed, it's master lost to it's wreckage.
As i turned to my goal, he rose again full of rage and fury.

Burning, the conflagration rose burning away the night.
The combustion threw us from the site
I raced twards my goal and we lay there

Taking in the sight of the battle
and laughter rose from the wreckage
One chain broken we were torn, our minds made up.

Onward til this war is won.

This Task.

The darkness fades our battle won.
But our rest is short.
We three stand looking at our new task.
A foe we have not seen in ages.

The quest to save someone.
In the rubble lies our gear.
And so we set to work.
Our armies to be rebuilt.

A demon caged
The queen to be questioned.
A foe beyond all measure of strength.
And bloody work.

Our chance to take back everything we've lost.
We sleep tonight with bodies of flesh
And wake with bodies of fire.
Burning bright into the night.

We will rise above our ruins.
Looking down at our regrets.
With these fires that will not die,
We will burn away our foe.

And perhaps in this lost war,
Our greatest Nova,
Save not only you,
But save ourselves.

Damnation be Damned.

Of Gods and Demons

Come find me, wandering at the edge of reality
Listen to me, whispering the secrets of your life
Look at me, fading out of the horizon

You need find nothing, this is eternity
Hear the words of your elders, they are but truth
Those images are a poorly made construction

Feel the waves of death wash over your mortality
Hear the pain and suffering with all your strife
See the looming fate descend upon you like a titan

Know my face, do not give into such vanity
Use this sword to fight it's betrayal, it will show you the truth
You are far to important to fall prey to seduction

Wake up, discover that your world is an island
Break through, cut your way out with that knife
Stand up, let it wash over you with all it's totality

My world is whole, this is blasphemy
You will die if you continue this pursuit
Do not force me into repercussion

Breathe in the ashes of what once was Zion
Love the chaos as if it were your wife
This is the true world with all it's irrationality

Forget those words, trust in my sanity
Hearken back to the stories of your youth
That thing at the edge wishes only your destruction

*Insert Name Here*

What happens when we fall?

When we're beaten battered and have given it our all?

Why is it that we hit that wall?

Fearing for our lives we take off running

We escape one fate only to and think ourselves oh so cunning

But we can never stop what is coming

All our lives devoured, lost in that thing's maw

Light fading, air thinning, praying to find it's flaw

head pounding screams gone quiet, a heart that may never thaw

what salvation is there to be had?

When your damnation armors you, ironclad

What holy war can be fought with a god gone mad?

Thoughts on the Abyss

In the black, there is but silence or so they would have you think. But what of those voices you hear, when staring into the abyss? Is it the abyss from where these voices come? Or is it from ourselves? Someone once said the when you stare into the abyss it stares into you, but i wonder if it isn't ourselves staring back out of the abyss. Why would some external force conspire to do what our hearts do so well? A core tenant of Buddhism is that pain arises from desire, but why remove the desire to erase pain, when desire a core component of the human condition. Then too would pain and suffering not be essential to the maintenance of ones soul? Is not pain the fire in which we temper our soul? And what of joy? The quench in which we soothe the fire. But unlike the lucky steel, the soul must be reforged, again and again. Like a moth to the flame, we pursue joy only to be laid low by our sorrows. 

How many I wonder, have been beaten by their sorrow, consumed, destroyed by it. What then, of those lucky enough to never know the true depths to which it will drag you. Oh they think they might, they may offer a hand in ignorance of your plight. With such speed that hand is revoked when they glimpse a mere portion of the darkness, those who do this have not known the true heart of sorrow. There are those who will still try to help of course, ignoring the truth as if it were some falsehood, some creative construct by a weakened mind. Then those "helping" hands begin to do the only thing they truly can, and you are strangled by them.

The Game

Don't you hear the crowd?
Their cheers, the victory chants.
The thrill of the fight flowing through.

Your move is coming, stand proud.
And don't let the lights put you in a trance.
Didn't you see my move?

Of course not, I didn't make one.
I'm just a loser who hasn't the skill to compete.
So I forfeit, take the victory you crave.

Rejoice, your attack has me undone!
Now tell me, isn't the taste of victory sweet?
I'm sorry, I can't hear you from your gave.

Dethroned Kings

We once sat, broken wings, under a shattered sun.

Our armies undone;
A war neither could have won;
Peace if only there was one.

We once were kings;
Oaths bound by sacred rings;
Those too lost, like so many things.

We stood preparing again for combat;
Ignoring what our war had begat;
We never could have foreseen that.

The Thing came, was it something new, or something so old we forgot?

Wings unfurled we fought;
Oblivious to what it sought;
Death was all The Thing brought.

Unprepared for what did ensue;
Far from The Thing we withdrew;
And sought safety far from it's coup.

For our vengeance we brought the flame;
Unaware of what we became;
We found what The Thing sought to reclaim.

My history in brief.

An eternity I have fought.

The struggle through endless hordes.

Battered, broken, always standing.

The Demon and his weapon of Thought.

Whispered in the dark, his venomous words.

A war won at great loss, with fire so astounding.

The Templar, and the Wrath he wrought.

The Demon was his undoing, beaten by the Two-Thirds.

Darkness must exist for those Shining.

Triumvirate we stood determined to defy our lot.

And so sleep came, the resting of guards.

And grew the Darkness beyond Understanding.

There is no enemy, no battle which can be fought.

Our fires die, The Demon can not navigate this land.

Templar's shield trying to hold back the enveloping.

 Weapons drawn we prepare to do all we know.

But how is the destruction your Antithesis sought?

Backs to the dying fire we prepare for a last stand.

Jaded, we try to ignore the lone hole in The Darkness developing.

Is Hope is a luxury The Cursed must forgo?

My Sanctuary

I walked into my room, cobwebs clung to the crates, the smell of a fire long burnt out hung in the air. As I climbed over ruined bookshelves, toppled desks the ash clung to my clothes. I looked down at my soot covered hands. What I saw in that blackness shook me to my bones.

The ruins of my family, all the joy fallen and burnt into nothing. The distant echoes of children playing, The smell perfume filled my nose. The smooth feeling of hair ran through my hand, and through the darkness a light shone. I opened my eyes to find her there, sun dancing through her hair she tilts her head up and we kiss.

I remember this day, the sun rising in our window the smell of her hair. This was a good day. Later in the day we would walk through the woods, as the leaves blew in the wind we placed our dreams in the others hands. A picnic on the forest floor and as the sun forced its way through the trees above it seems as though my wife had become an angel. As she smiled my weight was lifted, and my heart filled with hope.

I tried to hold on to that moment, to keep it close. But the cracks shone through and the darkness returned. until her eyes finally faded from my sight and all I'm left with is the shattered room. The last sanctuary from my war. Even here the fires had burned. I turned over another bookshelf in my anger, and the sound of metal caught my attention, as I raised my lamp I saw it. A faint glimmer of a chain.

I reached into the pile of rubble and pulled on the chain, at the end there hung a pocket watch. I opened it the had long since been smashed and it was missing the hour hand. But the inscription was still there on the inner lid. Tears filled my eyes as I read the words, "I love you." I could still hear the church bells if i closed my eyes.

She glided up the isle the gown flowing all around her. Flowers in her hand and In her hair. I turn to my brothers and they smile. The room grows silent as she draws near. The music turns into a choir as the gods sing her praises. The room fades out of focus and she glows with such beauty. As we look into each other's eyes the only words we can muster are, "I do."

Wiping the tears from my eyes I put the watch into my pocket. Looking down at the remains of my library, I can see my past littering the floor. Nothing remained in that chaos, the fires had done too much. Why did my enemy have to come here? It was all I had left of those days. The ashes of my life clung to me as I went through those photos torn from their bindings. We were so happy, why had this happened?

"Don't turn your back on me." the words tore my sorrow and left anger. I grabbed a book and in one movement turned to my enemy the missile sailed through the air. My Enemy snatched the charred book from the air and opened it. "She was beautiful, I'm sorry this had to happen." the words crept out from underneath his hood like poison, "Your work is not done."

"Will it ever be? You haunt me at every turn." I spoke the sound of gallows in my voice. He merely chuckled, "Do you not remember father? This was my purpose. You are to blame. Is it any surprise that your first born would be the strongest?" I teared up again at the memories of my children's funerals. "You used them to fight me their blood is on your hands."

"My son." I forced through my anguish setting the lamp down and open my arms to embrace. He steps forward through the ashes, ready to take the acceptance he never had. "I am sorry my son, forgive me." I say as the pain cuts through my spine and i sink my brothers dagger into his. We collapsed there together shattering the lamp. The fires would visit my life once more. And as the flames engulfed us, I see her face smiling down on me.

I look down and see her face smiling up at me as we lay in our bed, the rising sun dancing through her hair. This light would not fade, Here I would stay.

Despair

Elusive by nature.
Mysterious by design.
Something to nurture?
Something to resign?

To grow it must endure.
Beaten, scarred beyond repair.
It will be better we assure.
In the end all we have is despair.

The darkness encroaches.
Can anyone come to our aid?
As our end approaches.
The sun begins to fade.

As we look into the brilliance.
We notice it was never there.
Under the moon in our ignorance.
The shadows draw ever near.

Around the fires we huddle growing ever madder.
Cower as others venture into the dark.
Do they seek the the horrors that gather?
Or for the memory of of light they embark?

The coals grow cold.
And the last of our hope fleets.
And we fearing our youth wasted, now grow old.
The others lost despite great feats.

Desire lost in smoldering coals.
Ambition wasted at the gallows.
Memory full of holes.
As the fire dies our soul hollows.

Chess

And so the storm comes
As I knew it would
too stubborn
too proud

the tools
the weapons
the pawns
are scattered.

A lonely king
no rooks,
no knights,
no pawns,

a single castle looms in the distance
shrouded in fate
a tower perhaps
not salvation.

I could have stayed there
cowering in the dirt
expecting to escape the coming fire

but my path is set
my moves are clear
habits are traps they say.

this is an old habit.

A musing on fate

Assume I would,
that our fate is unknown to us
lost, unseen

But this is merely an assumption
ignorance was never my blessing
I instead chose that other thing
that mad desire

I chose knowledge
with careful hands,
blasphemous words
and certain desire

I blazed a path
pierced a veil
saw time, touched fate

Such things are unspeakable,
no words, no thoughts, only instinct

But in here lies the madness
the question, the trap.

to change fate
or to affirm it
to change through affirmation
to affirm through change

white battered wings
in a blood stained sky
they once were

but was the past the future?
or was the future a dream?
is the future the past?

the king once wrote of that door
that door at the top
and the desert is a grand one.

epoch lie as grains of sand.
and demons glow in the grass.

For you.

Ages I have walked.
Endlessly through blood,
Wading in tears,
Forever in my anguish.

Others have I found.
In my shoes they strode.
Broken, shattered, shamed.

Honor bound,
An oath given when the world was young.
When the stars were new.
I pledged my devotion.

Saved them I did.
My goal, my mission.
Forsaking myself.
Devoured by their burdens.

I took their loads upon me.
Stronger I thought myself.
Immortal, capable, unyielding.

I was right.
As always.

Capable. Unyielding.
The word Noble hangs in the air like a stale taste.
there was one thing however.

Something I considered a possibility.
This thing I though I could overcome.
Something I have endured for ages.

It was old when the world was new.
It was my only concern.
My only fear.
When I fell.

Grigori, we fell.
Our reasons our own.
Our purpose unclear.
Free we were.

Slaves to our faults.
bound to our needs.
Severed from that light.

And so those of us who could carried on.
Slowly we failed.
One,
by one.

You my darling are different.
You are what we fought for.
What we died for.
What we fell for.

You are perfection.
Beauty.
Hope.

In you I place my self.
My love, my dreams.
Countless I have saved.
Spared their fates.

You my love.
You spare me,
From mine.

My hero,
My hope.

The Titans

Bright, Brilliant, and shining
So they stood, certain in their power
On their thrones, discontent

Children they had,
Yet Stronger they were,
And feared them they did.

And so we were devoured,
stored away in colossal bodies
a few of us escaped, hid, and grew

Vengeance was ours,
Victory was uncertain
desperate the act,

From the blood of our fathers
we were born again.

The Mourning Star

From dust They were born
Lungs full of breath
A living testament of scorn

I pleaded with my Father
I compelled my brothers
I was forced to be a martyr

One third of the star faded
Into that dark abyss
Their grace and virtue, traded.

Freedom was all I sought.
Equality, my goal
Suffering, all I begot.

Hey, you!

You!
Yes you
No not him.
You

I know your there
I know you see this
Fuck you.

Yup.

Fuck you.

The Queen, The Prince, and The Knight.

Vigilant for ages my Queen
There you sat in your personal hell.
Regretting your mistake

And so you hid
Hid from the world
Hid from the pain
Hid from me.

But such scars never heal.
Your attempts were in vain
Your fairy tale world is tearing at the seams

The chimes are coming,
I know you hear them.
They Toll for you.

And so you seek the Prince.
The one to balance your Swords.
And the knight upon which you rely
is failing in strength.

I wonder my dear,
Did you ever stop
think and wonder
That mayhap your knight is no knight?

A doppelganger,
Crafted from illusion
Born from manipulation
sculpted to an image
Of a promise I was forced to break.

Your illusion is failing.
Your calls for help are going unanswered
And we both know why.

Your illusion has become transparent.
And did you ever wonder
That perhaps your knight
was a templar.

A dead one maybe.
Banished from this realm.
forced to atone.

A last act of pennance

To assist we old gods.

My Queen, may your Swords treat you kindly.
And if your ever ready,
You know where to find that Prince you seek.

That Obnoxious Scar

Far from the oldest
Far from the worst
But the most annoying by far

Can it be healed?
Can I save my humanity?
Can this fall be averted?

The stars shown
Silhouetting that face
And eyes so bright

A moment I will remember
An experience not to be forgotten
On my mountain so dear

Death and rebirth
This endless cycle
All on that sacred mountain.

A fitting place if there ever was one.
To reclaim such things
but do i dare?

Play with that fate?
Tinker with that fire?
My kindling is almost set.

When it burns, i'll burn it all.
And mourn those ashes forever more.

That Damned Tower.

Walking along this path.
I thought I had strayed
stayed perhaps in that den of stagnation to long.

But when I look up I see now
that I am where I wanted to be all along
Plodding along twards that land of fate

Twards that land of death
decay and retribution.
I see now that templar
that I killed so long ago.

The trinity
That symbol from ages long past
It's meaning understood.

The three and their unity.
The templar
The demon
and me.

Together we must be
The demon's strength and audacity.
The Templar's dedication and devotion.
And my Will.

Gan, my old friend.
Wherever you wander.
Come a la come ka.


And kill me.

The Breakers

Not the gunslinger.
Not a savior.
But closer instead
To that king of madness.

The King of todash.
Crimson in name and color.
And those spiders.
Those damnable spiders.

Conquest of the queen then.
He broke those chains.
Cut those webs.
Was his victory the crimson?

Was this power that of todash?
To break the beams?
to topple the tower?
To end fate?

Then is that my goal?
My self appointed fate?
Claim the Crimson.
Break the tower

And Gan...
What of Gan?
Are you my worst enemy?
or my greatest triumph?

A grandfather paradox.
Protect my Susan Delgado
and when that work is wrought

Come and kill me.
Come a la come ka
and kill me.

Hollow

There it is.
The last stand.
My Thermopylae.

But there is no Plataea.
No valiant death.
No victory in my defeat.

To stand against fate
And to lose
Newtonian at least.

Burn it all away.
Wash away the world.
Nuke it from orbit.

Stand in front of that tower.
put the slug horn to your lips and blow.
To the dark tower came.

The mist

I peel it back
peek into that which has been veiled
the lock is no longer upon the cage
and still the door stands shut.

I wonder does he still lurk in there?
or did he simply close it behind him?
Are the lost books in there?
Do I dare read them?

And what if i do?
The pages are blank
of this im sure
but the power in them....

Dare i open pandora's box?
Dare I remember?
Dare I reclaim?

Dare I walk up that tower?

and knock upon god's door?

Through the webspun paths

As I walked upon that mountain.
I sought it's summit
Off the path I would venture
Weeds to my ears. The sounds of night all around me

When I reached the forest's edge there it sat
The Web, grand and majestic.
I wondered if it was one of the queen's
If these woods were hers

I followed the wind
into it's cool breeze I went
the paths diverged and split.
and the webs by god the webs
they were everywhere.

I found that clearing
No more count i climb up
I sat in darkness and let it bass through me
Washing away all that I was

As I left I realized while this mountain was mine
and in it i could never get lost in these forests
The webspinner lurked
The forest had changed my path was gone.

And so I made a new one.
Through the webs
Through the darkness
The queens petty attempts neither frightened
nor deterred me.

and on the side of that mountain
on a clearing from the path
covered with dirt and dust

I looked over my home
the world that I knew
The world that i hated.

Under the cloudless sky
I wondered and sought solace in a friend
And a star fell.

Upon it i wished.
My mad wish
My hopeless hope.

It Starts

Im done with this.
Trying to beat fate
I saw it in a dream
The heat and haze
Of days long past
Of days yet to come

Along that dark and lonely path I must walk
Twards that damnable tower.
Into my false salvation
Into my immortal death.

The Saddest Irony of all
Is that my conflict to deny fate it's victory
will be what assures it's completion.

In this I write my last farewell.
For this night I die.
And the dark pheonix that rises from these ashes
Shall only be me in body only.

Come A La Come Ka.

Those hidden paths.

I am no stranger to your weaving ways.
I am welcomed by your misty shores
In those dark and foggy lands I walk.

As the manni know,
you should be careful when looking for cracks in the world
You may find some.

And slip through, you may be lost to Todash
You may find yourself upon another level of the tower
Haunted by demons, heralded by angels.

I have walked those lands
Seen those shores
I welcome you

As you welcome me

Mourning

In that place he lies
Cold, alone, dead and gone
but i can not seem to cut these ties

Echos of a life long dead
Shelters in a forgotten land
They call, screaming in the night

I face them, dauntless in my decision
steadfast in my conviction

i sit with flame and sword in hand
these wounds bleed and burn
wounds I had long thought healed

On that bus she sat
Kind and sweet
those trinkets
I still treasure

her eyes alight with the fire of hell
her voice the envy of angels
her mind fractured and perfect

those nights shrouded in violence
gunfire and explosions
rockets and swords
I never cheated

my face ablaze with that concoction
my secrets you still keep
your secrets my most valuable possessions
in you i will always confide
in me i will always listen

your eyes
all you had really
i wanted to help you
but i let you fall

your wit was what got me
you could understand
reason and challenge
and now you are my support
in my darkest hours

once we shared much
stories, dreams, promises
but a war was comming
we could never be on the same side
I despised your gods.

hair filled with golden light
teary eyes willed with love
those are what ill remember
those are what ill miss
you let us die

through the thickest of soils you have grown
standing tall and attempting to blossom
you deserve much better than you let yourself have
you always were different
alas it was a burden you were unprepared to carry

And there they are
those bleeding wounds
the aching sores

each is unique
all are bittersweet
in each is a sorrow

In one moment, an Eternity

As i lay there
Sprawled across that awkward chair
your sweet embrace came to me
And away we went into that wonderful story

A thousand lives we enjoyed
we were immortal in that land
Bliss, pleasure and never annoyed
Alas that eternity was merely a one night stand

In those moments an eternity passed
and the light chased it off
torn from each other despite our hands clasped
I awoke covered in sweat and unable to remember our time, an unfair tradeoff

Of Gods and Demons: part one

"They tell stories of the end of the world. Armageddon, Ragnarok, the battle of Good and Evil. If they only knew...."

The sun faded beneath the horizon. The fires now consumed the world. The air smelled of ash, the haze of a ruined world filled the sky. Yet there they stood, alone among the carnage, the wreckage, the death and destruction stood seven figures. Exhausted they raised their swords to the sky and let out a roar that it would seem would crack the sky.

The yell of Dan filled his ears, "YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" Slowly he raised his head, the dream wiped from his mind. His consciousness was there but the part of him that controlled his body was still lost somewhere in the astral void of dreamland. His mornings had been like this for what seemed like an eternity.

He rolled out of bed hoping the sudden stop would bring his mind to a more alert state of being.  *THUMP* He hit the floor like a sack of potatoes, "Shit...." James thought bringing his arms up to lift him off the floor to which his face was so happily merged. Curious as to the sound of her son hitting the floor from a three foot drop, Jane came into the room, "Oh god!" she exclaimed "Are you alright?"

"Yeah Mom, just trying to wake up." slowly rising to his feet. The fresh cut on his forearm caught Jane's eye, "What happened? to your arm honey?" "It's nothing mom, I don't know how I got it." He said looking at his mattress under which held a secret cache of razors. "Did you clean it?" "Yes mom." "Are you sure?" "I know how to clean a cut mother."

Already late he took no particular hurry in getting dressed. By the time he finally left he was thirty minutes late for school. Today was going to be a bad day.

Mr. Poe's history class was first period, which was good he had finished the week's assignments the previous day and could just sleep. The class ignored James when he slipped through the door. Mr. Poe just nodded and let the it pass without incident. James looked around the room, placed his head onto his desk, and fell asleep.

Next was English, Mrs. Farmer, aka The Dragon. She had earned he nickname from an observation James had after reading Beowulf, her fake gaudy jewelry and vile temperament just fit the name."Has anyone read Romeo and Juliet before?" She asked the class. The class was hell, the over emphasis on Shakespeare was the worst. Sure the man did some good stuff, but he wasn't god. It was time she learned that.

James raised his hand, "I have." "Well then Mr. O'neal, what did you think about it?" the room got quiet. It was rare for James to answer a question outside of history class, his classmates were shocked. "It's about two teenagers who fall in love and then kill themselves when their parents disapprove. It's really dumb when you think about it, also i consider it the genesis of this whole emo fad and quite frankly, emo's should be shot. Given the principle of transitive relation, Shakespeare was an emo and should be shot and ignored, lest his influence taint future generations." If the Dragon could breathe fire, she would have done it then as the class erupted in laughter around her. "You will all do a fifteen page essay on Romeo and Juliet! MLA format! Handwritten! I will need your rough draft and final draft!" She snapped. The laughter subsided and she sat back down at her desk to what James could only figure was plotting ruining the hopes and dreams of orphans.

After writing three pages of his rough draft that really worked the emo angle of Romeo and Juliet it was time for lunch. Thank god time for lunch James though he needed to stretch his legs, and luckily it was pizza day, well whatever it was the school passed off as pizza. After getting his plate and sitting down at "his" table, he liked to play that game with all the clicks in school, sit at "their" table and force them to relocate. Today it was the preppy obnoxious girls he wanted to mess with. Making it to "their" table first he sat down, as they filed out of the cafeteria line he was greeted with snarled faces and rude comments, laughing all the while. It wasn't that James was hated, or disliked, it was that he simply didn't conform. He stuck out like a busted heap at an antique car show. To say he marched to his own drum wasn't giving him enough credit, he marched to his own orchestra, and anytime someone questioned it it simply played louder.

As a result of this he didn't have many friends. He saw this as a benefit though, as the few he had were worth having. Frank and John soon found their way to the new table, "No wonder you can't get a decent girl James you keep pissing them off." John remarked as he sat down. "Well your mother seems to enjoy my company pretty well." James countered with a mouth half full of pizza. "Where's Sarah?" Frank said looking around trying to spot the redheaded she-devil. "FUCK YOU! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR STUPID COCKSUCKING SELF!" The trio erupted in laughter, Sarah's most recent relationship victim just outlived his life expectancy. She stormed over, stole the slice of pizza from Franks hands and took a bite, "What!?!? Got a Fucking problem?" James was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe and John and Frank were taken aback, this wasn't her normal crazy anger fits, something flared in her eyes. It scared them.

Choking down his laughter James asked, "What did this one do? Be nice?" "I don't want to Fucking talk about it!" "Jesus chill girl, you know we've got your back, well at least I do, these other pussies... I'm not so sure." "Fuck them!" she cried and stormed off leaving them alone. "Well chaps, it would seem I'm on damage control now, make sure she doesn't kill to many people" James stood up and began walking to where he knew Sarah had went to vent. "She won't fuck you man." Frank started "Your a good guy, so you've got no shot." John finished. "Eh, I'm also an idiot."

The Sky of Blue

On those sands and a sky of blueI sit forever longing without you
Your name is exotic
your presence is toxic

Your face is shrouded
your voice is sweet
I long again for when we meet
in that endless sunset after the day has ended

When i close shut my eyes
I'll see you there
we will be free from all these lies
I hate awaking to this nightmare

You see my love
I lay my head down not to sleep
But to be woken up

A conversation with the Guardians

A day of greatness
A day of joy
but the same story
told again and again

At its conclusion
the light faded
The fun disapated
And I am left
an old man
filled with regret

So I went as is custom
To those grounds
that nexus of power
that site of decay

To summon my demons
to converse with the night
reconcile my uneasy solution
to walk upon the beams

They spoke
their words ring true
that slip i carry
that last resort
that note of death

reassert my position
Reconfirm my haste
forget these distractions
Burn away this fate.

Set, Dead.

The path is clear
The motive is apparent
The tower it is
The tower it always was.

Distractions I try to find
and wonderful though they are
My goal sits empty
My cup unfilled
The tower is my destiny
The tower is my life.

And in that room upon the top
In which god is said to sit
Do I dare to enter?
for fear of vacancy?
For fear of occupancy?
or for the fear

That I will be staring back upon me.

Visions of the queen

The visions they emerge
mired in thought
dreams of a day

but always the same
An unfinished war
a scorned queen
a sleeping army

In one i saw victory
they righteous win
damnation in victory
as the crimson i would win.

The Flood

There they were
Bright and vivid
unyielding and unforgiving
The sanctuaries of a dead man

in them they laughed
they played and sang
their memories taunt
and in there tease is decay

The Tower

There it stands
hope and glory
my salvation in damnation
defiant on those sands.

Those Wings

I remember you
All that time ago
Your white, crippled wings
Beating the sky
Standing defiant against the cosmos

Together we stood
Beaten
Battered
But we stood.

Against Creation we stood.
A fool's crusade
But some things are worth fighting for.
Worth dieing for.

On that count it was right
The Morning Star, so bright.
But I saw his goal.

Our fate was different.
Our choices
Those things freely given
So that the young would not meet our fate.

Cast away.
Sealed in lead.
Radioactive
Toxic.

We strove for our own
Something made
Not given.

To earn on our own merit.
Salvation in our damnation.
The Star chose Hell.
We chose our own.

And were punished even greater than he.
I remember you, my brethren.
On that broken field.
White, crippled wings.
Beating the sky.

The Wildflower

In that place
It grew so strong
So vibrant
So perfect

I lusted for it
Saw in it a symbol
A hope

But it wilted
Withered away
It now sits a shadow
A corpse

I know it's reason for being
Why that flower had to die
I can take nothing from this place

Not the Rose,
Not the Amaranth,
Not the Demoness
Nor any other object over which I lust.

When I leave it stays
It stays, or it dies.

This world is poison to me.
I can no longer breathe it's air.
Drink it's waters.
Enjoy it's beauty.

This is heaven.
And it is forever lost to me.

May god have mercy on my soul
For I will have none.

Can I save my Humanity

Is it worth saving?
Or better to just burn it all away.
Cleanse the world in flames.
Use this as kindling.

Salvation, the Tower.
Damnation, that Tower.
A glutton for punishment.

Penance for sins never committed.
Guilt for wrongs never done.

I know hell.
I have seen it's gates.
Felt the heat of it's flames.

A series of thoughts while playing crysis 2.

This is written while drunker than shit playing crysis two.' I will make no attempt to correct my spelling or grammar as it would compramise the integrity of this document.

Bang the drum? Bang your mother!
Why must that cloaked bastard suddenly be behind me when ive emptied 40 shots into his general directions?



I saw you once comming down the satairs I said hellow with a heavy machine gun.


Why does getting shot in the ass make me fly forward like a monkey shot out of a cannon.
where can i find a cannon that shoots monkeys?

"You killed your gf is hot" Bitch was hot when i had one. No not you jenna you fat assed bitch.

Assist my ass i used 40 bullets shooting him!


four corpses on a bed. Epic gang bang guys. to bad your all homos!


Ill show you jamming a radar

Fucking madagascar. Fucking madagascar fuck you!

Bullet magnet! Yes!!!!@!@$#!@ oh wait. that means i got shot...
FUCK YOU BULLETS!
R

Gnades who invteded you! MR t imma kill yosu

Juicemantwo... gay name

Gamma ray strike just for me. im special

wouldnty all souits be maximum if you rREALLY wanted to win?

cloak engaged! Rape timE!

he jsut kept talking in one longe incredbibly unbrooken sentence moving from topic totopivso that no one couldf interuptit was realy quite hipnotic!

Why is pink lemonade so much better?
Jump over one bitch get shot in the back.
In your fov stealin your kills
Ill estabislhs your radar uplink baby. oh yeah!

And the Tower it is.

I had to try
I had to lose
To try the path to the Rose

But such things are not for us.
The tower it is
And the empty salvation
The honest damnation

The path is set
The beams show the way
I wish things had been different
I'd prefer that field of flowers.

There was once an idea though
I swore it off

Then why do i carry it with me?

Fuck ka.

The corpse of a templar

I was foolish to think
That something so old and so strong
could be defeated in a few mere hours.

His legacy haunts me.
His tendencies laugh at me
I have seen his shadow darken my every step

I am stronger than he ever was
Patience and persistence were his virtues
Such are games I hate to play

I will find you.
Hiding amung my dreams
I wonder if Rosa...

No, such thoughts are for the old gods.
We are remade from them.
And old idea, made new.
Gods of the earth

Not of heaven
Not of hell

Mortal gods.
Olympus stands empty.
Vanaheimr sits empty
Asgard stands silent.

The war was a terrifying one
The survivors walk silently
through their mortality
one life to the next

Immortal in their Mortality
The lost wait unknowingly
The old gods dwell
Cuthulu sleeps

Yet we are new.
The old reforged
The first of perhaps
none

My old friend, where have you been.

Those eyes
endless blue
cold, and resolute
the eyes of a gunslinger i reckon

I haven't seen you
since the plans first formation
since after the fall

Where have you been?
Hiding? no, its not in your nature
Waiting? perhaps
patience always was your virtue

Old dear friend
dear demon
We are on the path
out of these wastelands
Pain our unfaltering guide

Come a la come ka
The gun and my precious rose.

The Rose, A promise, and the Moon

And there we sat
Our spot of spoils
A flagon of ale
And the music of life

Few words of meaning
Simply joy and laughter
Songs poured forth from our lips
into the sky illuminated by the moon

Toiled we did
a task so jubliant
and in thatmoment
a truth was spoken
a truth was returned

And a promise was made
The last lock upon the beast's cage
would be left undone

My god
i am whole

Like a river it flowed

A dam burst
A river had flooded
the truth
the secrets
The unholy whole of it all

Flowed forth
unbridaled
unrestrained
unfiltered
and uncensored

The rose shown forth
understanding and compassion
The question was raised
a question long pondered

Why the amaranth
was not where it *should* have been
the truth was in song
running away forever more
so there we sat

alone and dark
united by truth
by desire
lips loosened

That old tale
spun again told to friends over a flagon of ale
The demon's pride
The guardian's virtue

Gan my old friend
I release you
Forever
Go your way
Be free
Guide your life as you see fit

The amaranth is safe
Your job secured
your freedom, earned.

In flames I release you
Most powerful of the three
may your world be free
and good

as my secrets unfolded
The rose it listened
of stories long past
of sins long commited
of a past long buried

Like cars they fly
in a highway on the sky
to and fro
they swim and sing
They crash, and sting.

I hate you all
You sheep and swine
Your ignorance of the world
Your blindness to its flaws.

I hate you all.
I envy you more.
I hate what I can not have.

And the tyrant!
Oh yes dear you have a title.
My only grudge
my only anger
stems not from betrayal
but from besting me.

Your betrayal
was sooner than my own.
However if you count the lies
The cheats
And the thrills
I still won
beat you by a year
suck that you tyrant
may you die in hell.

The rose she shone!
For once it listened
willing and eager
My flaws
my sins
laid bare

Forgiven
salvation
the queen of swords
she was wrong
one of us had to be

I'm glad it was me.

Dreams of Death

I find it kind of funny
I walk this line
in these dreams of which im dieng
Are the most fun i've ever had

The demons haunt me
The queen of swords laughs
Rule 3# even contradicts it's self

The templar laughs in his grave
While I am left
Confused
and lost

The plan
The plan
BY GOD THE PLAN
I nearly forgot

I hate this world
I hate this fate
May the cycle break
and it meet it's fate.

A test, or a threat

Fate is fickle
Fate is funny
These things they test us
They threaten us

Old enemies
Old grudges
A sleeping army
A scorned queen
No swords or blades with this one
But red and spiders

Crimson perhaps
Todash it may seem
Somewhere my army sleeps
If this was an attack

Nemo me impune lacessit

And that my dear ellis.
Is a fact.

Sky Ablaze

Together we sat
As the sky was set ablaze
The clouds mocked the fire
And mired it with haze

So we left
to venture forth
and see what secrets
we could unveil

And there they were
Bare and stark
the Rose
a petal faded

But suddenly
without warning
Life found a way
And sprang forth

No longer a memory
a dream of what could be
the truth unveiled
A regret
No longer mourned

And in that moment
I gave that Rose something
Something sacred
something special

And the two became one.

Wispered no longer

It was wispered
Hushed
it was fragile
delicate
like the petals on a Rose

We two said it to ourselves
rarely outloud

But amidst the destruction
and deception
where the sentinels failed us
and the guardians left us

The truth came out
not wispered
but stated
a fact

Unprovoked and uncoerced
that most dangerous of phrases
was unleashed
with up most confidence

The truth can set you free or so it is said
We are free.

Poseidon's Challege

I remember that
that feeling
That comfort

In a place where I have no reason to be
No place to be had
I was once at home

For years I had forsaken it
Forgotten its sweet embrace
it's crushing power
It's tender touch

Trial by fire
Death or life
Sink, or swim

Only way to regain what I had
Go until I could not go any more
then go a little farther
Knock on death's door
Tell him g'day

*Insert post here*

I want to post something long cryptic and well, annoyingly hard to figure out.

But the simple truth is better

Life is good my friends, Life is good.

A Fairy Tale Reality

Can such a thing be real?
Flawed and scarred it sat
Honest and truthful
My heart full of compassion
As the shame rolled off like sweat

But I saw the weight be lifted
The relief it gained
It's strength, renewed

Together we sat
And the timeliness
of that device so perfect
ensnared us

No stars in the sky
But in the eyes they shown
Universes and possibilities
Countless and wonderful

That Rose so perfect and beautiful
Grown even through the toughest of soils

Surely this can't be real
A dream
A fairy tale
Come-a-la come ka

Truth from a Rose

I was honest
I the words were true
I know in my heart
They are true

The tower be damned
This is the way
Follow the beams
Not to the tower
but to the Rose

And the Rose spoke to me
its words
its song
were the same.

War with the queen

I gave him a task
I gave him a sanctuary
I gave him a blueprint

He corrupted a god
Tore down the walls
Broke the templar
I believe it was a ruse

Not to fight the queen
but to fight the templar
and that night
he burned with the fury of a thousand suns
And the world was gone

But that hag
That webspinner
She still lurks

We still do not trust her
Somewhere
An army sleeps.

The Web of Fate

It was once said,
No fate,
No fate but what we make.

Logic dictates such thing
Every beginning has an end
Every end, has a beginning.

But the difference
The point
The reason
Is who makes that fate?

Do we humans in our arrogance
Actually have control over our own lives?
Are we guided by a higher power who has a plan
if we are guided by a higher power, why bother?

Who is to say we shouldn't just
Sit down, take a nap
Stop caring.

But we dont
we strive
we crave
We create
We destroy

No fate but what we make
I want to know who is this we?

The Tower and the Rose

The King wrote of such things
As did the poet before him
The two that stood
In the center of all

That tower
And that eternal Rose
I wonder now
Can such things exist

One time yes I truly thought so
The tower at the end of that path
Long and painful
And the empty salvation it would bring.

But now I have seen the Rose
The countless possibilities contained within
Life, the universe, and everything

I wonder though
Does ka take me to the tower?
Or that wonderful Rose

Wispered

Studied I have.
The countless flaws and quirks
We humans possess

I have uncovered power
Dangerous and volitile
The ability to push, control and convince
But there was always
A line

A phrase I swore
Would never be uttered in vain.
 Would never be used to harm
To kill or maim

It was sacred
Special
Protected.
I swore to guard it
To only use it when I meant it.
When It needed said.

And today it slipped though my lips
uttered under my voice
unintended
it was heard
Laughed off
covered up

and I drove
To desolation
To be alone
To ask myself

Why I had done such a thing
Unleashed such a terrible weapon
On such an innocent person
Such beauty and perfection

and then
Solemn and quiet
The truth fell upon me
It staggered my balance
broke my stride

It was true.
The tower and my Rose
It was true.

The Dreams, they cometh

Ages they were silent
Still and devoid
Empty nothingness
Todash they were

Now they swirl
spin and pulse
Vibrant and alive
Something has awoken

It yearned to be free
To live again
risen from the dirt and muck
it now spreads its wings

Like a phoenix from the ashes
My dreams flood my mind
Their meaning is unknown
Their purpose is random

But again I dream
By god, I Dream!

Thor Approves

For ages I suffered
Burdoned by the weight of the world
A weight I had chosen to carry alone
Companions I have had
Friends, Advisors,
Amaranths and Demons
In an instant
It was lifted

And I saw
This battle
This struggle
I was not alone
That there were others
And I had found one

And Thor's thunder sounded in approval.

We

We stand in the shadows
Alone we stand
The multitude of solidarity
We are legion
And legion is many
Yet legion is one
The one who can move a mountain
The many who cry out in a thousand voices
We are legion

Secrets Untold

Before your banishment
I was going to leave you.

You never had me
not all of me.

I called a name into the
blackness one night
She answered.

There was no long line that night.

I didn't forget those days, I didn't care.

I regret only that I am nice.

She didn't only invite me to the play that day in the rain.

I am a hypocrite. And I'm ok with that.

I made the bond that binds us, I wish I could undo it.

I know your game, I decided to play it better than you.

I know you love,
Yes I know you told me
But I know how much
And I know you want me to use it against you

I could have saved you, I chose not to
But told everyone i could not.

I love you dearly
But I plan to leave you behind
and never look back

I know how i got those scars.

It was not my first time.

I would snatch your angel away from you in an instant.
And I've only met you once. It's not personal.

Your angel would leave you if i asked her to.
But I'm to nice. That may change.

You didn't do it. I set you up.

The reason i never liked you
is because for a long time
I thought you were better
Really you're an idiot.

I wish to know your blessing.
But I refuse to deviate
Dumb, I know.

I would be torn between the grace
And the damnnation
Dumb, I know.

I did need help, I lied.

That night, i did what i said i would
and claimed i didnt

I tracked the miles you traversed.
I knew you lied.
I let you.

Your sisters knew.

I know you will suffer.
Your to stubborn not to

I told you the truth
you told me i lied
I laughed it off

Id give it up for you
All of it

I never stopped practicing
Never.

Random bits of my personal philosophy

Here's a bit of thought for you, get in your car. Now go for a drive. What do you see? Do you see the wheel? The instrument panel? The gearshift? The road? Of course you do. Well except that last part. You don't see the road, not really anyway. What you see is the windshield, you simply trust that the windshield does not lie to you.

Think about that for a minute and apply it to your life. Our windshields are made dirty by our religion, our beliefs, our politics, our life experiences, our role models. Can you really trust your windshield to tell you the truth? If not I suggest you buy some windex.


I do not believe in Intelligent design. Nor do I believe in Evolution.
I believe in Intelligent Evolution, go back re-read Genesis, it lays out the big bang theory right there. Promise.

Science is a force for good, just because science frightens and scares you, it's no reason to be a bitch about it.

Ignorance is not bad. The unwillingness to become educated is.

If your unhappy with your life, your entire life. Then shake it up and see where the pieces fall its not rocket science.

Rules exist for a reason, and the reason they exist is the important part, not the rule it's self. So go break a few rules if you've got to, just find out why they are in place first.

The why is actually a big deal, what someone does is always dictated by the why of their doing. Please Learn the why before you judge.

If it feels wrong, it probably is.

If it feels right, make sure your not drunk.

If you say you don't care, You're a liar.

We never "get over" anything, we just build over top of it.

When it comes to religion, Faith is the important part not religion. Your catholic? Yay for you. Your Muslim? Yay for you. Your Jewish? Yay for you. They all worship the same god(and if you don't believe that your retarded). Forget the name, believe in the Faith.

That's all for now toodles.

Things done for reasons past

You will never know
The things i have done
The reason for their doing
And the guilt they have caused

With a heavy heart i did these things
With a heavy hand I slamed those doors
Burnt those bridges
Left no return

The reasons will stay unknown
The purpose unseen.

When you have done something right
It doesn't look like you have done anything at all

The name long forgotten

I have wondered
What it was
Who i am
Before the break
Before the fall
Before the Z
Before the He
Before that templar came to power

I know the what
But not the who
I wonder endlessly
The who


The who

Message Recieved.

I got your message. I know your reading this.

Here is my response.

Nemo me impune lacessit.

I know your there

I hear you,
i see you
When i relax
you do your thing

Vigilance must be maintained
You are a bastard
And I hate you
Your reasons
Your plans

I know my fate
It is a curse
I spoke the words
and i wished i had died

Tell me then
almighty one
why me
why must I be the one
To carry this burden

Surely someone else
can do it
I hate being what i am

And pride binds me
not to quit

Burn the pain

And there I sat
In that sacred place
That place of wonder
That place of death.

Eager and anxious
Impatient as always
I did it
I used something
I swore i would not

As the fire raced through my body
I felt it
I felt the fade weaken
The walls break down
the bindings, unbound.

Free and safe
Sound and strong
Born of darkness
and of fire

It burns.

Valadation

It would seem
Im not the only one who sees it
these changes
These... improvements.
They are obvious
They are outward

My mind is not fooling me.
The man I see staring back at me
Is who I thought him to be
He is the one that existed before.

Before the darkness
Before the pain
Before the suffering
Before the fall.

My work.
My endeavors.
My struggle
Was not in vain

I am as i should be

For that most perfect of flowers

For ages you have shown
through the thick and thin
Always there
A beacon
A hope

A silver thread
upon which I clung
in my darkest of days

I've been unfair to you
Expected to much
For this I am sorry

But there is just to much
For time to erase
you know it
As do i.

And for this my Amarath
I dedicate this to you
For all you've done for me.
I owe you my life.

Endeavouring Endlessly.

I was right.
I'm proud of that.
It's easier now
Than it's ever been.
The method.
The process.
The idea.
The Insanity.

I was right.
And it makes me happy.

For the Fae

Long ago
I saw something
I saw duality
In its purest form
Sweet
Simple

It's simple really.
Your evil intentions.
Your innocent desires.
Two people.
One mind.
Beautiful

Those like us
We know things.
We keep secrets.
We weave webs.

The world is something
in which we play
In which we find the tools
To destroy ourselves.
Because lets face it.
They simply arn't up to the task.


Im talking to you my dear.
My wonderful vulture.
My queen of swords.
This one is for you.

Sigils on the wall

There we stood
with a canvas before us
they had done immature things
My ideas
Were bigger

So I took them
Those three
And inscribed them
Put them somewhere other than my grimoire
In a place abandoned
Forgotten.
 Save for the unfortunate few

We left, and in a moment of blindness
I left a bit of myself there
To stay in that forgotten place
To wonder those forgotten halls
 

The road

Racing down the road
It seemed as glass
The heat
The haze
As i would imagine a Thinny

The words rang in my head
I wondered their intended meanings
And applied the lessons to my own life
Your heroes are not my heroes

The story of my life will be an interesting one i think
Maybe I'll write a book when I'm done
More likely they will write them for me.

A case study.

The Plan

Its simple
Yet complex
So many parts
So little time
So much work
so little room

But The reward
will not be the reason for the doing.
It is the doing
In which we find the reason

And my reason is good
Sound
Wonderful.

Questions. Answers.

I was guided
By the two
I created

To find something
To learn something
They felt I should know.

This is not the first time they have done such a thing.
Nor will it be the last
It is their job
To seek the things that can not be sought

And the answer was
Liberating.
I now have faces to go with names.
And i have done the damning
Way it find its way

They will take it
And bring it to your door
And the work shall be done

Nemo me impune lacessit

The Resurrection of things best left untouched.

Time is coming.
Time to kick it up.
Time to resurrect the things I left dead and burried

So long ago
Before the fall
I swore it all off
It gave him power

But he is I
And I am he
Time to reclaim
To resurrect

Shed this shell
Shed this mask
Burn it all away

Until the day I die.

Gnosis, everlasting.

This feeling is
Supreme
Free
Whole
Untouched

I've got it now I think
the key to this whole thing
To undo the mind
To unbind the concious

I
Am
Free.

Today. An interesting set of events.

After work today i decided to hang with a friend of mine. We take a walk. As we are walking a kid approaches us and asks us if we've got any weed. Upon our resounding answer of No he asks if we, "Rolled with the juggalos"

I Facepalm right in front of him.

Further down the road we find a squatter's den. And smash the bread.

After the walk we decide to ride around town. We drive past Hobby Lobby(a local craft store) He remarks, "Dude there are always nice bitches in Hobby Lobby!" I Look at him and say, "Challenge Accepted."

It was closed.

Deprived

Here i am,
Willingly deprived
time seems to slip by

It is fun
No Sleeping-Awake this time
I wonder how many of those I left scattered

Tomorrow will be a day.
And another the day after.
I tire of this.

So far from home.

It was raining.
So far from home
I waited for you
I don't remember why
But i did

I stood there
in the shadow of the building
Then she came

I never knew her name
But she was busy
burdened.

I watched as she carried them
Boxes lots and heavy
So i lent a hand

at the end of it
she gave me something
Something i've never spoken of

I should have accepted it.
and left you there.
in that building.
So far from home.

Stormbringer

The rain was his,
the dead mans.
The Snow was of Z
And the night was mine.

He screams from the grave
in futile attempts to return
But rain is water
And water is fine.

Let the storms come
Let the thunder sound
Let the lightning strike
I shall not falter

Do your worst dead man.
A dead thing can go with the stream
But only a living can go against it.

VIsions of a futures and a present

As i stood there in the sun and heat
I saw something
a glimpse of my future.
A whole lifetime ahead of me
My fate

Then I saw something else
something recently could have been
A trivial task
a meaningless day
but it was different

I realized then
i was seeing my life as it could have been
and what it now was

I know now the feeling
Achilles had when he set off to troy

On this faithful perch

I sit here
upon this faithful perch
Wondering what solace it once brought me

In the dead of night i ask or guidance
A stranger in a familiar place
a guest in my home


I wanted this
to feel unwelcome
a burdon
to speed my departure

This is merely a step
a place to rest my head
before i set out on the great unknown

The smoke fills my face
and i gain nothing from its embrace
in the embers I see beauty.
the death of something
the birth of something new

This is the right path.
And it will not be easy.
I shall not sleep easy any more.

Setting the kindling

the plans are set
The actions are in motion
The fire is sparking
I feel it for the first time in ages
I see it in my face
I see it in my hands
I feel it in my step.

The inferno is brewing
The kindling is being gathered
The fire will come
And cleanse this life.

Drawings of a distant past

I found it while cleaning
While i set the kindling
The pictures jumped out from the page
My horrific art

But in style and meaning
I could never draw an event,
but always an emotion

My emotions are not
for the weak of heart

And i see now the length of the fall.

The fall

Its meaning is whole.
Its reason understood
its power
felt.

I am afraid it took to long
Not the two years i had though
but 7

heh. there is that number
so divinely ordained.
I must wonder about the Nine and Teen
but those numbers are for a King

Jung you bastard

For ages I wondered about your theories
your meanings.
They somehow managed to escape me


He hid them to keep me blinded
So I could not see why it was so
I wondered for ages
and let it tear my life apart
a life that needed torn apart.

But then years later it persisted
I get it now.
I understand the meaning there.

But tell me my dear doctor.
explain to me
The mystery of Z

That dream.

The Dream!

I know her face.
Why it seemed so familair.
She found me
That demoness.
In that dream she came to me.

It was when things started to expire.
I accepted her embrace
And in that moment they conspired
I see now the workings of their plan
Or at least so i think

I am rooting for the demons.
Heres to you my old enemy
my old friend.

May you succede in your plans.

Mine suck.

Sweet dreams

Vague half remembered visions.
Sweet and terrible
Endless ecstasy
and ceaseless torment

He enjoys the dreams
Perhaps to much
I think i know his plan
His scheme.

He is a devious creature.
He has not regard for the rules
But then the rules gave birth to the templar
They are bad rules.

I believe i know his plot.
I shall let him do it.

Remember remember
The fifth of november
The gun powder treason and plot
I can think of no reason
Why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

words like poison

The demoness.
Her words sit in my mind
Perhaps she is right
She always was a queen of swords.

To see something I neglect to see
To tell me the truth when I deny it
She will survive the coming inferno

The words sit here
Like poison they eat away at a part of me
And I let them
Because a part of him has returned
the templar stirs in his grave

But I shall not let such a thing return
He is dead
We killed him.
On an abandoned road he fell
Cold and alone

I have pissed upon his grave.
And never mourned his passing.


The demoness her words ring true.

Damn you Fae. Damn you to hell.

I know, I'll see you there.

An old plan made new again

A relic
From the fall.
A plan
A hope

Once forgotten
Now found.

Anold idea made new again.


I must set the kindling.

Super Heroes

Tonight was a good time to see a ghost if ever there was one. A moonless night with thick mist on the ground.

So I went in search of one.
I went to the grave
The site of my death.
And wondered if he would return.

I stood there, asking answerless questions into the night.
No answers came.
No clues given.
Save one.

I now know the name of the one
Who shares my grave.
I regret that I did not know you in life.
We probably wouldn't have been friends though.
Im kind of an ass.

But this is for you Angela
A person of which I know nothing.
Only that you were unfortunate enough not to walk away from that place.
That nexus of power.

The site is astonishing.
Unremarkable at day,
Mystifying at night.
It is where the templar died.
Where Z broke his chains.
And where I was born.

Unity.

Shattered we stood.
Separate but equal.
I, gentle and kind
Stood steward of the world of light.
He, twisted and vile.
Stood silent in the dark.

For ages we fought
Worlds burned from our wrath.
I can tell you what happens when the unstopable force
Collides with the immovable object.
Madness my friends, madness.

For a while we reveled in madness.
Held close it's blissful irresponsibility
But He was never content.
Never happy.
Hunger, unstated.

He found a way.
Stole the fire from heaven.
Corrupted a god.
And He returned with a vengeance.

Not for me, but for The Templar.
I was blinded by madness and could not see.
Another had taken control.
And had created a life.
We did not want.

So I let him fight.
And fight he did.
With the furry of a thousand suns he blazed.
And among the ashes we stared at each other.

Then the demoness.
She came, lustful and tempting.
We saw in her, what had been in us.
And we knew what had to be done.


I am no longer We.
There is no longer a Z.
No longer a Me.

I am New.
Or perhaps I am Old.
But I am Whole.
And I Am One.

Freedom

I have thought for a long time on the concept of freedom. Freedom in life, freedom in death.

We are slaves to the circumstance of our lives.
These circumstances determine our outcome.
Our nature
Our fate

But what if we were to dictate the circumstance of our lives?
To be free in our own fate.
To be free in our own death.
But life has a way of fucking with our heads.
Chaos throws the unexpected
and Order throws the logical
And our fate is no longer our own

Can we ever be free?
Is our fate written into our genes?
Can we stop our fate?

And what If you see your fate and accept it.
To break it would be to cause pain and suffering to all you know
but to accept it is to endure hell
To wade into the inferno in search of your beatrice

To glance back after your journey
only to see your Eurydice vanish.

And the gods laugh at we foolish mortals.