For that most perfect of flowers

For ages you have shown
through the thick and thin
Always there
A beacon
A hope

A silver thread
upon which I clung
in my darkest of days

I've been unfair to you
Expected to much
For this I am sorry

But there is just to much
For time to erase
you know it
As do i.

And for this my Amarath
I dedicate this to you
For all you've done for me.
I owe you my life.

Endeavouring Endlessly.

I was right.
I'm proud of that.
It's easier now
Than it's ever been.
The method.
The process.
The idea.
The Insanity.

I was right.
And it makes me happy.

For the Fae

Long ago
I saw something
I saw duality
In its purest form
Sweet
Simple

It's simple really.
Your evil intentions.
Your innocent desires.
Two people.
One mind.
Beautiful

Those like us
We know things.
We keep secrets.
We weave webs.

The world is something
in which we play
In which we find the tools
To destroy ourselves.
Because lets face it.
They simply arn't up to the task.


Im talking to you my dear.
My wonderful vulture.
My queen of swords.
This one is for you.

Sigils on the wall

There we stood
with a canvas before us
they had done immature things
My ideas
Were bigger

So I took them
Those three
And inscribed them
Put them somewhere other than my grimoire
In a place abandoned
Forgotten.
 Save for the unfortunate few

We left, and in a moment of blindness
I left a bit of myself there
To stay in that forgotten place
To wonder those forgotten halls
 

The road

Racing down the road
It seemed as glass
The heat
The haze
As i would imagine a Thinny

The words rang in my head
I wondered their intended meanings
And applied the lessons to my own life
Your heroes are not my heroes

The story of my life will be an interesting one i think
Maybe I'll write a book when I'm done
More likely they will write them for me.

A case study.

The Plan

Its simple
Yet complex
So many parts
So little time
So much work
so little room

But The reward
will not be the reason for the doing.
It is the doing
In which we find the reason

And my reason is good
Sound
Wonderful.

Questions. Answers.

I was guided
By the two
I created

To find something
To learn something
They felt I should know.

This is not the first time they have done such a thing.
Nor will it be the last
It is their job
To seek the things that can not be sought

And the answer was
Liberating.
I now have faces to go with names.
And i have done the damning
Way it find its way

They will take it
And bring it to your door
And the work shall be done

Nemo me impune lacessit

The Resurrection of things best left untouched.

Time is coming.
Time to kick it up.
Time to resurrect the things I left dead and burried

So long ago
Before the fall
I swore it all off
It gave him power

But he is I
And I am he
Time to reclaim
To resurrect

Shed this shell
Shed this mask
Burn it all away

Until the day I die.

Gnosis, everlasting.

This feeling is
Supreme
Free
Whole
Untouched

I've got it now I think
the key to this whole thing
To undo the mind
To unbind the concious

I
Am
Free.

Today. An interesting set of events.

After work today i decided to hang with a friend of mine. We take a walk. As we are walking a kid approaches us and asks us if we've got any weed. Upon our resounding answer of No he asks if we, "Rolled with the juggalos"

I Facepalm right in front of him.

Further down the road we find a squatter's den. And smash the bread.

After the walk we decide to ride around town. We drive past Hobby Lobby(a local craft store) He remarks, "Dude there are always nice bitches in Hobby Lobby!" I Look at him and say, "Challenge Accepted."

It was closed.

Deprived

Here i am,
Willingly deprived
time seems to slip by

It is fun
No Sleeping-Awake this time
I wonder how many of those I left scattered

Tomorrow will be a day.
And another the day after.
I tire of this.

So far from home.

It was raining.
So far from home
I waited for you
I don't remember why
But i did

I stood there
in the shadow of the building
Then she came

I never knew her name
But she was busy
burdened.

I watched as she carried them
Boxes lots and heavy
So i lent a hand

at the end of it
she gave me something
Something i've never spoken of

I should have accepted it.
and left you there.
in that building.
So far from home.

Stormbringer

The rain was his,
the dead mans.
The Snow was of Z
And the night was mine.

He screams from the grave
in futile attempts to return
But rain is water
And water is fine.

Let the storms come
Let the thunder sound
Let the lightning strike
I shall not falter

Do your worst dead man.
A dead thing can go with the stream
But only a living can go against it.

VIsions of a futures and a present

As i stood there in the sun and heat
I saw something
a glimpse of my future.
A whole lifetime ahead of me
My fate

Then I saw something else
something recently could have been
A trivial task
a meaningless day
but it was different

I realized then
i was seeing my life as it could have been
and what it now was

I know now the feeling
Achilles had when he set off to troy

On this faithful perch

I sit here
upon this faithful perch
Wondering what solace it once brought me

In the dead of night i ask or guidance
A stranger in a familiar place
a guest in my home


I wanted this
to feel unwelcome
a burdon
to speed my departure

This is merely a step
a place to rest my head
before i set out on the great unknown

The smoke fills my face
and i gain nothing from its embrace
in the embers I see beauty.
the death of something
the birth of something new

This is the right path.
And it will not be easy.
I shall not sleep easy any more.

Setting the kindling

the plans are set
The actions are in motion
The fire is sparking
I feel it for the first time in ages
I see it in my face
I see it in my hands
I feel it in my step.

The inferno is brewing
The kindling is being gathered
The fire will come
And cleanse this life.

Drawings of a distant past

I found it while cleaning
While i set the kindling
The pictures jumped out from the page
My horrific art

But in style and meaning
I could never draw an event,
but always an emotion

My emotions are not
for the weak of heart

And i see now the length of the fall.

The fall

Its meaning is whole.
Its reason understood
its power
felt.

I am afraid it took to long
Not the two years i had though
but 7

heh. there is that number
so divinely ordained.
I must wonder about the Nine and Teen
but those numbers are for a King

Jung you bastard

For ages I wondered about your theories
your meanings.
They somehow managed to escape me


He hid them to keep me blinded
So I could not see why it was so
I wondered for ages
and let it tear my life apart
a life that needed torn apart.

But then years later it persisted
I get it now.
I understand the meaning there.

But tell me my dear doctor.
explain to me
The mystery of Z

That dream.

The Dream!

I know her face.
Why it seemed so familair.
She found me
That demoness.
In that dream she came to me.

It was when things started to expire.
I accepted her embrace
And in that moment they conspired
I see now the workings of their plan
Or at least so i think

I am rooting for the demons.
Heres to you my old enemy
my old friend.

May you succede in your plans.

Mine suck.

Sweet dreams

Vague half remembered visions.
Sweet and terrible
Endless ecstasy
and ceaseless torment

He enjoys the dreams
Perhaps to much
I think i know his plan
His scheme.

He is a devious creature.
He has not regard for the rules
But then the rules gave birth to the templar
They are bad rules.

I believe i know his plot.
I shall let him do it.

Remember remember
The fifth of november
The gun powder treason and plot
I can think of no reason
Why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

words like poison

The demoness.
Her words sit in my mind
Perhaps she is right
She always was a queen of swords.

To see something I neglect to see
To tell me the truth when I deny it
She will survive the coming inferno

The words sit here
Like poison they eat away at a part of me
And I let them
Because a part of him has returned
the templar stirs in his grave

But I shall not let such a thing return
He is dead
We killed him.
On an abandoned road he fell
Cold and alone

I have pissed upon his grave.
And never mourned his passing.


The demoness her words ring true.

Damn you Fae. Damn you to hell.

I know, I'll see you there.

An old plan made new again

A relic
From the fall.
A plan
A hope

Once forgotten
Now found.

Anold idea made new again.


I must set the kindling.

Super Heroes

Tonight was a good time to see a ghost if ever there was one. A moonless night with thick mist on the ground.

So I went in search of one.
I went to the grave
The site of my death.
And wondered if he would return.

I stood there, asking answerless questions into the night.
No answers came.
No clues given.
Save one.

I now know the name of the one
Who shares my grave.
I regret that I did not know you in life.
We probably wouldn't have been friends though.
Im kind of an ass.

But this is for you Angela
A person of which I know nothing.
Only that you were unfortunate enough not to walk away from that place.
That nexus of power.

The site is astonishing.
Unremarkable at day,
Mystifying at night.
It is where the templar died.
Where Z broke his chains.
And where I was born.

Unity.

Shattered we stood.
Separate but equal.
I, gentle and kind
Stood steward of the world of light.
He, twisted and vile.
Stood silent in the dark.

For ages we fought
Worlds burned from our wrath.
I can tell you what happens when the unstopable force
Collides with the immovable object.
Madness my friends, madness.

For a while we reveled in madness.
Held close it's blissful irresponsibility
But He was never content.
Never happy.
Hunger, unstated.

He found a way.
Stole the fire from heaven.
Corrupted a god.
And He returned with a vengeance.

Not for me, but for The Templar.
I was blinded by madness and could not see.
Another had taken control.
And had created a life.
We did not want.

So I let him fight.
And fight he did.
With the furry of a thousand suns he blazed.
And among the ashes we stared at each other.

Then the demoness.
She came, lustful and tempting.
We saw in her, what had been in us.
And we knew what had to be done.


I am no longer We.
There is no longer a Z.
No longer a Me.

I am New.
Or perhaps I am Old.
But I am Whole.
And I Am One.

Freedom

I have thought for a long time on the concept of freedom. Freedom in life, freedom in death.

We are slaves to the circumstance of our lives.
These circumstances determine our outcome.
Our nature
Our fate

But what if we were to dictate the circumstance of our lives?
To be free in our own fate.
To be free in our own death.
But life has a way of fucking with our heads.
Chaos throws the unexpected
and Order throws the logical
And our fate is no longer our own

Can we ever be free?
Is our fate written into our genes?
Can we stop our fate?

And what If you see your fate and accept it.
To break it would be to cause pain and suffering to all you know
but to accept it is to endure hell
To wade into the inferno in search of your beatrice

To glance back after your journey
only to see your Eurydice vanish.

And the gods laugh at we foolish mortals.

To kill a templar.

Zealous, and mighty they stand.
Sure of their holy writ.
Steadfast in their blind dedication.
They are not inherently evil.
In fact they are formed with only the noblest of intentions.
But their power corrupts.
They cage the demons of our lives.
They cage our true selves.

And in their wake they leave only the dead and dieing.
Forgive me my love for doing what I must.
I won't let you die.
Even if that means sacrificing myself.
I promised to protect you and I have done it.
This last act of love.
This last act of devotion.

May your templar die.
May your vanity wither.
May your demon be free.
May she glide on wings of harmony to be ever free.
I have given you the tools to free yourself.
Alas you have given me the keys to your cage.


But unfortunately the templar will never let me use them.
But you have the tools to free yourself.
Learn them, use them.
I will hear you calls in the dead of night.
And in that secret place, you will always have sanctuary.

A leap of faith.

I plunged forth into the darkness not knowing what lied ahead.
I had a hope, a mad hope.
And there I sat, waiting. Watching.
With hopes that my hunch might be correct.
And there we sat.
Hidden from the light of day.
Hidden from the thoughts of others.
From the eyes of the world.
And In that moment.
I was right.

Full Circle

I don't even know you.
But I would kill you.
Just on the principle of the thing.
I would kill you and bathe in your blood.
And never bat an eye.
But now I find myself in one of those cold Ironies of life.
We now share a common bond.
Id still kill you though.

Keys be damned.

Forget the keys.
We have forged a new set.
The change is coming.
Its coming faster than I ever predicted.
Few things could stop this.
I see him more and more everyday.
Staring back out of my eyes.
That madman. That Monster.
That Demon.
He may have his day yet.