The Titans

Bright, Brilliant, and shining
So they stood, certain in their power
On their thrones, discontent

Children they had,
Yet Stronger they were,
And feared them they did.

And so we were devoured,
stored away in colossal bodies
a few of us escaped, hid, and grew

Vengeance was ours,
Victory was uncertain
desperate the act,

From the blood of our fathers
we were born again.

The Mourning Star

From dust They were born
Lungs full of breath
A living testament of scorn

I pleaded with my Father
I compelled my brothers
I was forced to be a martyr

One third of the star faded
Into that dark abyss
Their grace and virtue, traded.

Freedom was all I sought.
Equality, my goal
Suffering, all I begot.

Hey, you!

You!
Yes you
No not him.
You

I know your there
I know you see this
Fuck you.

Yup.

Fuck you.

The Queen, The Prince, and The Knight.

Vigilant for ages my Queen
There you sat in your personal hell.
Regretting your mistake

And so you hid
Hid from the world
Hid from the pain
Hid from me.

But such scars never heal.
Your attempts were in vain
Your fairy tale world is tearing at the seams

The chimes are coming,
I know you hear them.
They Toll for you.

And so you seek the Prince.
The one to balance your Swords.
And the knight upon which you rely
is failing in strength.

I wonder my dear,
Did you ever stop
think and wonder
That mayhap your knight is no knight?

A doppelganger,
Crafted from illusion
Born from manipulation
sculpted to an image
Of a promise I was forced to break.

Your illusion is failing.
Your calls for help are going unanswered
And we both know why.

Your illusion has become transparent.
And did you ever wonder
That perhaps your knight
was a templar.

A dead one maybe.
Banished from this realm.
forced to atone.

A last act of pennance

To assist we old gods.

My Queen, may your Swords treat you kindly.
And if your ever ready,
You know where to find that Prince you seek.

That Obnoxious Scar

Far from the oldest
Far from the worst
But the most annoying by far

Can it be healed?
Can I save my humanity?
Can this fall be averted?

The stars shown
Silhouetting that face
And eyes so bright

A moment I will remember
An experience not to be forgotten
On my mountain so dear

Death and rebirth
This endless cycle
All on that sacred mountain.

A fitting place if there ever was one.
To reclaim such things
but do i dare?

Play with that fate?
Tinker with that fire?
My kindling is almost set.

When it burns, i'll burn it all.
And mourn those ashes forever more.

That Damned Tower.

Walking along this path.
I thought I had strayed
stayed perhaps in that den of stagnation to long.

But when I look up I see now
that I am where I wanted to be all along
Plodding along twards that land of fate

Twards that land of death
decay and retribution.
I see now that templar
that I killed so long ago.

The trinity
That symbol from ages long past
It's meaning understood.

The three and their unity.
The templar
The demon
and me.

Together we must be
The demon's strength and audacity.
The Templar's dedication and devotion.
And my Will.

Gan, my old friend.
Wherever you wander.
Come a la come ka.


And kill me.

The Breakers

Not the gunslinger.
Not a savior.
But closer instead
To that king of madness.

The King of todash.
Crimson in name and color.
And those spiders.
Those damnable spiders.

Conquest of the queen then.
He broke those chains.
Cut those webs.
Was his victory the crimson?

Was this power that of todash?
To break the beams?
to topple the tower?
To end fate?

Then is that my goal?
My self appointed fate?
Claim the Crimson.
Break the tower

And Gan...
What of Gan?
Are you my worst enemy?
or my greatest triumph?

A grandfather paradox.
Protect my Susan Delgado
and when that work is wrought

Come and kill me.
Come a la come ka
and kill me.

Hollow

There it is.
The last stand.
My Thermopylae.

But there is no Plataea.
No valiant death.
No victory in my defeat.

To stand against fate
And to lose
Newtonian at least.

Burn it all away.
Wash away the world.
Nuke it from orbit.

Stand in front of that tower.
put the slug horn to your lips and blow.
To the dark tower came.

The mist

I peel it back
peek into that which has been veiled
the lock is no longer upon the cage
and still the door stands shut.

I wonder does he still lurk in there?
or did he simply close it behind him?
Are the lost books in there?
Do I dare read them?

And what if i do?
The pages are blank
of this im sure
but the power in them....

Dare i open pandora's box?
Dare I remember?
Dare I reclaim?

Dare I walk up that tower?

and knock upon god's door?

Through the webspun paths

As I walked upon that mountain.
I sought it's summit
Off the path I would venture
Weeds to my ears. The sounds of night all around me

When I reached the forest's edge there it sat
The Web, grand and majestic.
I wondered if it was one of the queen's
If these woods were hers

I followed the wind
into it's cool breeze I went
the paths diverged and split.
and the webs by god the webs
they were everywhere.

I found that clearing
No more count i climb up
I sat in darkness and let it bass through me
Washing away all that I was

As I left I realized while this mountain was mine
and in it i could never get lost in these forests
The webspinner lurked
The forest had changed my path was gone.

And so I made a new one.
Through the webs
Through the darkness
The queens petty attempts neither frightened
nor deterred me.

and on the side of that mountain
on a clearing from the path
covered with dirt and dust

I looked over my home
the world that I knew
The world that i hated.

Under the cloudless sky
I wondered and sought solace in a friend
And a star fell.

Upon it i wished.
My mad wish
My hopeless hope.

It Starts

Im done with this.
Trying to beat fate
I saw it in a dream
The heat and haze
Of days long past
Of days yet to come

Along that dark and lonely path I must walk
Twards that damnable tower.
Into my false salvation
Into my immortal death.

The Saddest Irony of all
Is that my conflict to deny fate it's victory
will be what assures it's completion.

In this I write my last farewell.
For this night I die.
And the dark pheonix that rises from these ashes
Shall only be me in body only.

Come A La Come Ka.

Those hidden paths.

I am no stranger to your weaving ways.
I am welcomed by your misty shores
In those dark and foggy lands I walk.

As the manni know,
you should be careful when looking for cracks in the world
You may find some.

And slip through, you may be lost to Todash
You may find yourself upon another level of the tower
Haunted by demons, heralded by angels.

I have walked those lands
Seen those shores
I welcome you

As you welcome me

Mourning

In that place he lies
Cold, alone, dead and gone
but i can not seem to cut these ties

Echos of a life long dead
Shelters in a forgotten land
They call, screaming in the night

I face them, dauntless in my decision
steadfast in my conviction

i sit with flame and sword in hand
these wounds bleed and burn
wounds I had long thought healed

On that bus she sat
Kind and sweet
those trinkets
I still treasure

her eyes alight with the fire of hell
her voice the envy of angels
her mind fractured and perfect

those nights shrouded in violence
gunfire and explosions
rockets and swords
I never cheated

my face ablaze with that concoction
my secrets you still keep
your secrets my most valuable possessions
in you i will always confide
in me i will always listen

your eyes
all you had really
i wanted to help you
but i let you fall

your wit was what got me
you could understand
reason and challenge
and now you are my support
in my darkest hours

once we shared much
stories, dreams, promises
but a war was comming
we could never be on the same side
I despised your gods.

hair filled with golden light
teary eyes willed with love
those are what ill remember
those are what ill miss
you let us die

through the thickest of soils you have grown
standing tall and attempting to blossom
you deserve much better than you let yourself have
you always were different
alas it was a burden you were unprepared to carry

And there they are
those bleeding wounds
the aching sores

each is unique
all are bittersweet
in each is a sorrow

In one moment, an Eternity

As i lay there
Sprawled across that awkward chair
your sweet embrace came to me
And away we went into that wonderful story

A thousand lives we enjoyed
we were immortal in that land
Bliss, pleasure and never annoyed
Alas that eternity was merely a one night stand

In those moments an eternity passed
and the light chased it off
torn from each other despite our hands clasped
I awoke covered in sweat and unable to remember our time, an unfair tradeoff

Of Gods and Demons: part one

"They tell stories of the end of the world. Armageddon, Ragnarok, the battle of Good and Evil. If they only knew...."

The sun faded beneath the horizon. The fires now consumed the world. The air smelled of ash, the haze of a ruined world filled the sky. Yet there they stood, alone among the carnage, the wreckage, the death and destruction stood seven figures. Exhausted they raised their swords to the sky and let out a roar that it would seem would crack the sky.

The yell of Dan filled his ears, "YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" Slowly he raised his head, the dream wiped from his mind. His consciousness was there but the part of him that controlled his body was still lost somewhere in the astral void of dreamland. His mornings had been like this for what seemed like an eternity.

He rolled out of bed hoping the sudden stop would bring his mind to a more alert state of being.  *THUMP* He hit the floor like a sack of potatoes, "Shit...." James thought bringing his arms up to lift him off the floor to which his face was so happily merged. Curious as to the sound of her son hitting the floor from a three foot drop, Jane came into the room, "Oh god!" she exclaimed "Are you alright?"

"Yeah Mom, just trying to wake up." slowly rising to his feet. The fresh cut on his forearm caught Jane's eye, "What happened? to your arm honey?" "It's nothing mom, I don't know how I got it." He said looking at his mattress under which held a secret cache of razors. "Did you clean it?" "Yes mom." "Are you sure?" "I know how to clean a cut mother."

Already late he took no particular hurry in getting dressed. By the time he finally left he was thirty minutes late for school. Today was going to be a bad day.

Mr. Poe's history class was first period, which was good he had finished the week's assignments the previous day and could just sleep. The class ignored James when he slipped through the door. Mr. Poe just nodded and let the it pass without incident. James looked around the room, placed his head onto his desk, and fell asleep.

Next was English, Mrs. Farmer, aka The Dragon. She had earned he nickname from an observation James had after reading Beowulf, her fake gaudy jewelry and vile temperament just fit the name."Has anyone read Romeo and Juliet before?" She asked the class. The class was hell, the over emphasis on Shakespeare was the worst. Sure the man did some good stuff, but he wasn't god. It was time she learned that.

James raised his hand, "I have." "Well then Mr. O'neal, what did you think about it?" the room got quiet. It was rare for James to answer a question outside of history class, his classmates were shocked. "It's about two teenagers who fall in love and then kill themselves when their parents disapprove. It's really dumb when you think about it, also i consider it the genesis of this whole emo fad and quite frankly, emo's should be shot. Given the principle of transitive relation, Shakespeare was an emo and should be shot and ignored, lest his influence taint future generations." If the Dragon could breathe fire, she would have done it then as the class erupted in laughter around her. "You will all do a fifteen page essay on Romeo and Juliet! MLA format! Handwritten! I will need your rough draft and final draft!" She snapped. The laughter subsided and she sat back down at her desk to what James could only figure was plotting ruining the hopes and dreams of orphans.

After writing three pages of his rough draft that really worked the emo angle of Romeo and Juliet it was time for lunch. Thank god time for lunch James though he needed to stretch his legs, and luckily it was pizza day, well whatever it was the school passed off as pizza. After getting his plate and sitting down at "his" table, he liked to play that game with all the clicks in school, sit at "their" table and force them to relocate. Today it was the preppy obnoxious girls he wanted to mess with. Making it to "their" table first he sat down, as they filed out of the cafeteria line he was greeted with snarled faces and rude comments, laughing all the while. It wasn't that James was hated, or disliked, it was that he simply didn't conform. He stuck out like a busted heap at an antique car show. To say he marched to his own drum wasn't giving him enough credit, he marched to his own orchestra, and anytime someone questioned it it simply played louder.

As a result of this he didn't have many friends. He saw this as a benefit though, as the few he had were worth having. Frank and John soon found their way to the new table, "No wonder you can't get a decent girl James you keep pissing them off." John remarked as he sat down. "Well your mother seems to enjoy my company pretty well." James countered with a mouth half full of pizza. "Where's Sarah?" Frank said looking around trying to spot the redheaded she-devil. "FUCK YOU! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR STUPID COCKSUCKING SELF!" The trio erupted in laughter, Sarah's most recent relationship victim just outlived his life expectancy. She stormed over, stole the slice of pizza from Franks hands and took a bite, "What!?!? Got a Fucking problem?" James was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe and John and Frank were taken aback, this wasn't her normal crazy anger fits, something flared in her eyes. It scared them.

Choking down his laughter James asked, "What did this one do? Be nice?" "I don't want to Fucking talk about it!" "Jesus chill girl, you know we've got your back, well at least I do, these other pussies... I'm not so sure." "Fuck them!" she cried and stormed off leaving them alone. "Well chaps, it would seem I'm on damage control now, make sure she doesn't kill to many people" James stood up and began walking to where he knew Sarah had went to vent. "She won't fuck you man." Frank started "Your a good guy, so you've got no shot." John finished. "Eh, I'm also an idiot."

The Sky of Blue

On those sands and a sky of blueI sit forever longing without you
Your name is exotic
your presence is toxic

Your face is shrouded
your voice is sweet
I long again for when we meet
in that endless sunset after the day has ended

When i close shut my eyes
I'll see you there
we will be free from all these lies
I hate awaking to this nightmare

You see my love
I lay my head down not to sleep
But to be woken up

A conversation with the Guardians

A day of greatness
A day of joy
but the same story
told again and again

At its conclusion
the light faded
The fun disapated
And I am left
an old man
filled with regret

So I went as is custom
To those grounds
that nexus of power
that site of decay

To summon my demons
to converse with the night
reconcile my uneasy solution
to walk upon the beams

They spoke
their words ring true
that slip i carry
that last resort
that note of death

reassert my position
Reconfirm my haste
forget these distractions
Burn away this fate.

Set, Dead.

The path is clear
The motive is apparent
The tower it is
The tower it always was.

Distractions I try to find
and wonderful though they are
My goal sits empty
My cup unfilled
The tower is my destiny
The tower is my life.

And in that room upon the top
In which god is said to sit
Do I dare to enter?
for fear of vacancy?
For fear of occupancy?
or for the fear

That I will be staring back upon me.

Visions of the queen

The visions they emerge
mired in thought
dreams of a day

but always the same
An unfinished war
a scorned queen
a sleeping army

In one i saw victory
they righteous win
damnation in victory
as the crimson i would win.

The Flood

There they were
Bright and vivid
unyielding and unforgiving
The sanctuaries of a dead man

in them they laughed
they played and sang
their memories taunt
and in there tease is decay

The Tower

There it stands
hope and glory
my salvation in damnation
defiant on those sands.

Those Wings

I remember you
All that time ago
Your white, crippled wings
Beating the sky
Standing defiant against the cosmos

Together we stood
Beaten
Battered
But we stood.

Against Creation we stood.
A fool's crusade
But some things are worth fighting for.
Worth dieing for.

On that count it was right
The Morning Star, so bright.
But I saw his goal.

Our fate was different.
Our choices
Those things freely given
So that the young would not meet our fate.

Cast away.
Sealed in lead.
Radioactive
Toxic.

We strove for our own
Something made
Not given.

To earn on our own merit.
Salvation in our damnation.
The Star chose Hell.
We chose our own.

And were punished even greater than he.
I remember you, my brethren.
On that broken field.
White, crippled wings.
Beating the sky.

The Wildflower

In that place
It grew so strong
So vibrant
So perfect

I lusted for it
Saw in it a symbol
A hope

But it wilted
Withered away
It now sits a shadow
A corpse

I know it's reason for being
Why that flower had to die
I can take nothing from this place

Not the Rose,
Not the Amaranth,
Not the Demoness
Nor any other object over which I lust.

When I leave it stays
It stays, or it dies.

This world is poison to me.
I can no longer breathe it's air.
Drink it's waters.
Enjoy it's beauty.

This is heaven.
And it is forever lost to me.

May god have mercy on my soul
For I will have none.

Can I save my Humanity

Is it worth saving?
Or better to just burn it all away.
Cleanse the world in flames.
Use this as kindling.

Salvation, the Tower.
Damnation, that Tower.
A glutton for punishment.

Penance for sins never committed.
Guilt for wrongs never done.

I know hell.
I have seen it's gates.
Felt the heat of it's flames.

A series of thoughts while playing crysis 2.

This is written while drunker than shit playing crysis two.' I will make no attempt to correct my spelling or grammar as it would compramise the integrity of this document.

Bang the drum? Bang your mother!
Why must that cloaked bastard suddenly be behind me when ive emptied 40 shots into his general directions?



I saw you once comming down the satairs I said hellow with a heavy machine gun.


Why does getting shot in the ass make me fly forward like a monkey shot out of a cannon.
where can i find a cannon that shoots monkeys?

"You killed your gf is hot" Bitch was hot when i had one. No not you jenna you fat assed bitch.

Assist my ass i used 40 bullets shooting him!


four corpses on a bed. Epic gang bang guys. to bad your all homos!


Ill show you jamming a radar

Fucking madagascar. Fucking madagascar fuck you!

Bullet magnet! Yes!!!!@!@$#!@ oh wait. that means i got shot...
FUCK YOU BULLETS!
R

Gnades who invteded you! MR t imma kill yosu

Juicemantwo... gay name

Gamma ray strike just for me. im special

wouldnty all souits be maximum if you rREALLY wanted to win?

cloak engaged! Rape timE!

he jsut kept talking in one longe incredbibly unbrooken sentence moving from topic totopivso that no one couldf interuptit was realy quite hipnotic!

Why is pink lemonade so much better?
Jump over one bitch get shot in the back.
In your fov stealin your kills
Ill estabislhs your radar uplink baby. oh yeah!

And the Tower it is.

I had to try
I had to lose
To try the path to the Rose

But such things are not for us.
The tower it is
And the empty salvation
The honest damnation

The path is set
The beams show the way
I wish things had been different
I'd prefer that field of flowers.

There was once an idea though
I swore it off

Then why do i carry it with me?

Fuck ka.

The corpse of a templar

I was foolish to think
That something so old and so strong
could be defeated in a few mere hours.

His legacy haunts me.
His tendencies laugh at me
I have seen his shadow darken my every step

I am stronger than he ever was
Patience and persistence were his virtues
Such are games I hate to play

I will find you.
Hiding amung my dreams
I wonder if Rosa...

No, such thoughts are for the old gods.
We are remade from them.
And old idea, made new.
Gods of the earth

Not of heaven
Not of hell

Mortal gods.
Olympus stands empty.
Vanaheimr sits empty
Asgard stands silent.

The war was a terrifying one
The survivors walk silently
through their mortality
one life to the next

Immortal in their Mortality
The lost wait unknowingly
The old gods dwell
Cuthulu sleeps

Yet we are new.
The old reforged
The first of perhaps
none

My old friend, where have you been.

Those eyes
endless blue
cold, and resolute
the eyes of a gunslinger i reckon

I haven't seen you
since the plans first formation
since after the fall

Where have you been?
Hiding? no, its not in your nature
Waiting? perhaps
patience always was your virtue

Old dear friend
dear demon
We are on the path
out of these wastelands
Pain our unfaltering guide

Come a la come ka
The gun and my precious rose.

The Rose, A promise, and the Moon

And there we sat
Our spot of spoils
A flagon of ale
And the music of life

Few words of meaning
Simply joy and laughter
Songs poured forth from our lips
into the sky illuminated by the moon

Toiled we did
a task so jubliant
and in thatmoment
a truth was spoken
a truth was returned

And a promise was made
The last lock upon the beast's cage
would be left undone

My god
i am whole

Like a river it flowed

A dam burst
A river had flooded
the truth
the secrets
The unholy whole of it all

Flowed forth
unbridaled
unrestrained
unfiltered
and uncensored

The rose shown forth
understanding and compassion
The question was raised
a question long pondered

Why the amaranth
was not where it *should* have been
the truth was in song
running away forever more
so there we sat

alone and dark
united by truth
by desire
lips loosened

That old tale
spun again told to friends over a flagon of ale
The demon's pride
The guardian's virtue

Gan my old friend
I release you
Forever
Go your way
Be free
Guide your life as you see fit

The amaranth is safe
Your job secured
your freedom, earned.

In flames I release you
Most powerful of the three
may your world be free
and good

as my secrets unfolded
The rose it listened
of stories long past
of sins long commited
of a past long buried

Like cars they fly
in a highway on the sky
to and fro
they swim and sing
They crash, and sting.

I hate you all
You sheep and swine
Your ignorance of the world
Your blindness to its flaws.

I hate you all.
I envy you more.
I hate what I can not have.

And the tyrant!
Oh yes dear you have a title.
My only grudge
my only anger
stems not from betrayal
but from besting me.

Your betrayal
was sooner than my own.
However if you count the lies
The cheats
And the thrills
I still won
beat you by a year
suck that you tyrant
may you die in hell.

The rose she shone!
For once it listened
willing and eager
My flaws
my sins
laid bare

Forgiven
salvation
the queen of swords
she was wrong
one of us had to be

I'm glad it was me.

Dreams of Death

I find it kind of funny
I walk this line
in these dreams of which im dieng
Are the most fun i've ever had

The demons haunt me
The queen of swords laughs
Rule 3# even contradicts it's self

The templar laughs in his grave
While I am left
Confused
and lost

The plan
The plan
BY GOD THE PLAN
I nearly forgot

I hate this world
I hate this fate
May the cycle break
and it meet it's fate.

A test, or a threat

Fate is fickle
Fate is funny
These things they test us
They threaten us

Old enemies
Old grudges
A sleeping army
A scorned queen
No swords or blades with this one
But red and spiders

Crimson perhaps
Todash it may seem
Somewhere my army sleeps
If this was an attack

Nemo me impune lacessit

And that my dear ellis.
Is a fact.

Sky Ablaze

Together we sat
As the sky was set ablaze
The clouds mocked the fire
And mired it with haze

So we left
to venture forth
and see what secrets
we could unveil

And there they were
Bare and stark
the Rose
a petal faded

But suddenly
without warning
Life found a way
And sprang forth

No longer a memory
a dream of what could be
the truth unveiled
A regret
No longer mourned

And in that moment
I gave that Rose something
Something sacred
something special

And the two became one.

Wispered no longer

It was wispered
Hushed
it was fragile
delicate
like the petals on a Rose

We two said it to ourselves
rarely outloud

But amidst the destruction
and deception
where the sentinels failed us
and the guardians left us

The truth came out
not wispered
but stated
a fact

Unprovoked and uncoerced
that most dangerous of phrases
was unleashed
with up most confidence

The truth can set you free or so it is said
We are free.

Poseidon's Challege

I remember that
that feeling
That comfort

In a place where I have no reason to be
No place to be had
I was once at home

For years I had forsaken it
Forgotten its sweet embrace
it's crushing power
It's tender touch

Trial by fire
Death or life
Sink, or swim

Only way to regain what I had
Go until I could not go any more
then go a little farther
Knock on death's door
Tell him g'day

*Insert post here*

I want to post something long cryptic and well, annoyingly hard to figure out.

But the simple truth is better

Life is good my friends, Life is good.

A Fairy Tale Reality

Can such a thing be real?
Flawed and scarred it sat
Honest and truthful
My heart full of compassion
As the shame rolled off like sweat

But I saw the weight be lifted
The relief it gained
It's strength, renewed

Together we sat
And the timeliness
of that device so perfect
ensnared us

No stars in the sky
But in the eyes they shown
Universes and possibilities
Countless and wonderful

That Rose so perfect and beautiful
Grown even through the toughest of soils

Surely this can't be real
A dream
A fairy tale
Come-a-la come ka

Truth from a Rose

I was honest
I the words were true
I know in my heart
They are true

The tower be damned
This is the way
Follow the beams
Not to the tower
but to the Rose

And the Rose spoke to me
its words
its song
were the same.

War with the queen

I gave him a task
I gave him a sanctuary
I gave him a blueprint

He corrupted a god
Tore down the walls
Broke the templar
I believe it was a ruse

Not to fight the queen
but to fight the templar
and that night
he burned with the fury of a thousand suns
And the world was gone

But that hag
That webspinner
She still lurks

We still do not trust her
Somewhere
An army sleeps.

The Web of Fate

It was once said,
No fate,
No fate but what we make.

Logic dictates such thing
Every beginning has an end
Every end, has a beginning.

But the difference
The point
The reason
Is who makes that fate?

Do we humans in our arrogance
Actually have control over our own lives?
Are we guided by a higher power who has a plan
if we are guided by a higher power, why bother?

Who is to say we shouldn't just
Sit down, take a nap
Stop caring.

But we dont
we strive
we crave
We create
We destroy

No fate but what we make
I want to know who is this we?

The Tower and the Rose

The King wrote of such things
As did the poet before him
The two that stood
In the center of all

That tower
And that eternal Rose
I wonder now
Can such things exist

One time yes I truly thought so
The tower at the end of that path
Long and painful
And the empty salvation it would bring.

But now I have seen the Rose
The countless possibilities contained within
Life, the universe, and everything

I wonder though
Does ka take me to the tower?
Or that wonderful Rose

Wispered

Studied I have.
The countless flaws and quirks
We humans possess

I have uncovered power
Dangerous and volitile
The ability to push, control and convince
But there was always
A line

A phrase I swore
Would never be uttered in vain.
 Would never be used to harm
To kill or maim

It was sacred
Special
Protected.
I swore to guard it
To only use it when I meant it.
When It needed said.

And today it slipped though my lips
uttered under my voice
unintended
it was heard
Laughed off
covered up

and I drove
To desolation
To be alone
To ask myself

Why I had done such a thing
Unleashed such a terrible weapon
On such an innocent person
Such beauty and perfection

and then
Solemn and quiet
The truth fell upon me
It staggered my balance
broke my stride

It was true.
The tower and my Rose
It was true.

The Dreams, they cometh

Ages they were silent
Still and devoid
Empty nothingness
Todash they were

Now they swirl
spin and pulse
Vibrant and alive
Something has awoken

It yearned to be free
To live again
risen from the dirt and muck
it now spreads its wings

Like a phoenix from the ashes
My dreams flood my mind
Their meaning is unknown
Their purpose is random

But again I dream
By god, I Dream!

Thor Approves

For ages I suffered
Burdoned by the weight of the world
A weight I had chosen to carry alone
Companions I have had
Friends, Advisors,
Amaranths and Demons
In an instant
It was lifted

And I saw
This battle
This struggle
I was not alone
That there were others
And I had found one

And Thor's thunder sounded in approval.

We

We stand in the shadows
Alone we stand
The multitude of solidarity
We are legion
And legion is many
Yet legion is one
The one who can move a mountain
The many who cry out in a thousand voices
We are legion

Secrets Untold

Before your banishment
I was going to leave you.

You never had me
not all of me.

I called a name into the
blackness one night
She answered.

There was no long line that night.

I didn't forget those days, I didn't care.

I regret only that I am nice.

She didn't only invite me to the play that day in the rain.

I am a hypocrite. And I'm ok with that.

I made the bond that binds us, I wish I could undo it.

I know your game, I decided to play it better than you.

I know you love,
Yes I know you told me
But I know how much
And I know you want me to use it against you

I could have saved you, I chose not to
But told everyone i could not.

I love you dearly
But I plan to leave you behind
and never look back

I know how i got those scars.

It was not my first time.

I would snatch your angel away from you in an instant.
And I've only met you once. It's not personal.

Your angel would leave you if i asked her to.
But I'm to nice. That may change.

You didn't do it. I set you up.

The reason i never liked you
is because for a long time
I thought you were better
Really you're an idiot.

I wish to know your blessing.
But I refuse to deviate
Dumb, I know.

I would be torn between the grace
And the damnnation
Dumb, I know.

I did need help, I lied.

That night, i did what i said i would
and claimed i didnt

I tracked the miles you traversed.
I knew you lied.
I let you.

Your sisters knew.

I know you will suffer.
Your to stubborn not to

I told you the truth
you told me i lied
I laughed it off

Id give it up for you
All of it

I never stopped practicing
Never.

Random bits of my personal philosophy

Here's a bit of thought for you, get in your car. Now go for a drive. What do you see? Do you see the wheel? The instrument panel? The gearshift? The road? Of course you do. Well except that last part. You don't see the road, not really anyway. What you see is the windshield, you simply trust that the windshield does not lie to you.

Think about that for a minute and apply it to your life. Our windshields are made dirty by our religion, our beliefs, our politics, our life experiences, our role models. Can you really trust your windshield to tell you the truth? If not I suggest you buy some windex.


I do not believe in Intelligent design. Nor do I believe in Evolution.
I believe in Intelligent Evolution, go back re-read Genesis, it lays out the big bang theory right there. Promise.

Science is a force for good, just because science frightens and scares you, it's no reason to be a bitch about it.

Ignorance is not bad. The unwillingness to become educated is.

If your unhappy with your life, your entire life. Then shake it up and see where the pieces fall its not rocket science.

Rules exist for a reason, and the reason they exist is the important part, not the rule it's self. So go break a few rules if you've got to, just find out why they are in place first.

The why is actually a big deal, what someone does is always dictated by the why of their doing. Please Learn the why before you judge.

If it feels wrong, it probably is.

If it feels right, make sure your not drunk.

If you say you don't care, You're a liar.

We never "get over" anything, we just build over top of it.

When it comes to religion, Faith is the important part not religion. Your catholic? Yay for you. Your Muslim? Yay for you. Your Jewish? Yay for you. They all worship the same god(and if you don't believe that your retarded). Forget the name, believe in the Faith.

That's all for now toodles.

Things done for reasons past

You will never know
The things i have done
The reason for their doing
And the guilt they have caused

With a heavy heart i did these things
With a heavy hand I slamed those doors
Burnt those bridges
Left no return

The reasons will stay unknown
The purpose unseen.

When you have done something right
It doesn't look like you have done anything at all

The name long forgotten

I have wondered
What it was
Who i am
Before the break
Before the fall
Before the Z
Before the He
Before that templar came to power

I know the what
But not the who
I wonder endlessly
The who


The who

Message Recieved.

I got your message. I know your reading this.

Here is my response.

Nemo me impune lacessit.

I know your there

I hear you,
i see you
When i relax
you do your thing

Vigilance must be maintained
You are a bastard
And I hate you
Your reasons
Your plans

I know my fate
It is a curse
I spoke the words
and i wished i had died

Tell me then
almighty one
why me
why must I be the one
To carry this burden

Surely someone else
can do it
I hate being what i am

And pride binds me
not to quit

Burn the pain

And there I sat
In that sacred place
That place of wonder
That place of death.

Eager and anxious
Impatient as always
I did it
I used something
I swore i would not

As the fire raced through my body
I felt it
I felt the fade weaken
The walls break down
the bindings, unbound.

Free and safe
Sound and strong
Born of darkness
and of fire

It burns.

Valadation

It would seem
Im not the only one who sees it
these changes
These... improvements.
They are obvious
They are outward

My mind is not fooling me.
The man I see staring back at me
Is who I thought him to be
He is the one that existed before.

Before the darkness
Before the pain
Before the suffering
Before the fall.

My work.
My endeavors.
My struggle
Was not in vain

I am as i should be

For that most perfect of flowers

For ages you have shown
through the thick and thin
Always there
A beacon
A hope

A silver thread
upon which I clung
in my darkest of days

I've been unfair to you
Expected to much
For this I am sorry

But there is just to much
For time to erase
you know it
As do i.

And for this my Amarath
I dedicate this to you
For all you've done for me.
I owe you my life.

Endeavouring Endlessly.

I was right.
I'm proud of that.
It's easier now
Than it's ever been.
The method.
The process.
The idea.
The Insanity.

I was right.
And it makes me happy.

For the Fae

Long ago
I saw something
I saw duality
In its purest form
Sweet
Simple

It's simple really.
Your evil intentions.
Your innocent desires.
Two people.
One mind.
Beautiful

Those like us
We know things.
We keep secrets.
We weave webs.

The world is something
in which we play
In which we find the tools
To destroy ourselves.
Because lets face it.
They simply arn't up to the task.


Im talking to you my dear.
My wonderful vulture.
My queen of swords.
This one is for you.

Sigils on the wall

There we stood
with a canvas before us
they had done immature things
My ideas
Were bigger

So I took them
Those three
And inscribed them
Put them somewhere other than my grimoire
In a place abandoned
Forgotten.
 Save for the unfortunate few

We left, and in a moment of blindness
I left a bit of myself there
To stay in that forgotten place
To wonder those forgotten halls
 

The road

Racing down the road
It seemed as glass
The heat
The haze
As i would imagine a Thinny

The words rang in my head
I wondered their intended meanings
And applied the lessons to my own life
Your heroes are not my heroes

The story of my life will be an interesting one i think
Maybe I'll write a book when I'm done
More likely they will write them for me.

A case study.

The Plan

Its simple
Yet complex
So many parts
So little time
So much work
so little room

But The reward
will not be the reason for the doing.
It is the doing
In which we find the reason

And my reason is good
Sound
Wonderful.

Questions. Answers.

I was guided
By the two
I created

To find something
To learn something
They felt I should know.

This is not the first time they have done such a thing.
Nor will it be the last
It is their job
To seek the things that can not be sought

And the answer was
Liberating.
I now have faces to go with names.
And i have done the damning
Way it find its way

They will take it
And bring it to your door
And the work shall be done

Nemo me impune lacessit

The Resurrection of things best left untouched.

Time is coming.
Time to kick it up.
Time to resurrect the things I left dead and burried

So long ago
Before the fall
I swore it all off
It gave him power

But he is I
And I am he
Time to reclaim
To resurrect

Shed this shell
Shed this mask
Burn it all away

Until the day I die.

Gnosis, everlasting.

This feeling is
Supreme
Free
Whole
Untouched

I've got it now I think
the key to this whole thing
To undo the mind
To unbind the concious

I
Am
Free.

Today. An interesting set of events.

After work today i decided to hang with a friend of mine. We take a walk. As we are walking a kid approaches us and asks us if we've got any weed. Upon our resounding answer of No he asks if we, "Rolled with the juggalos"

I Facepalm right in front of him.

Further down the road we find a squatter's den. And smash the bread.

After the walk we decide to ride around town. We drive past Hobby Lobby(a local craft store) He remarks, "Dude there are always nice bitches in Hobby Lobby!" I Look at him and say, "Challenge Accepted."

It was closed.

Deprived

Here i am,
Willingly deprived
time seems to slip by

It is fun
No Sleeping-Awake this time
I wonder how many of those I left scattered

Tomorrow will be a day.
And another the day after.
I tire of this.

So far from home.

It was raining.
So far from home
I waited for you
I don't remember why
But i did

I stood there
in the shadow of the building
Then she came

I never knew her name
But she was busy
burdened.

I watched as she carried them
Boxes lots and heavy
So i lent a hand

at the end of it
she gave me something
Something i've never spoken of

I should have accepted it.
and left you there.
in that building.
So far from home.

Stormbringer

The rain was his,
the dead mans.
The Snow was of Z
And the night was mine.

He screams from the grave
in futile attempts to return
But rain is water
And water is fine.

Let the storms come
Let the thunder sound
Let the lightning strike
I shall not falter

Do your worst dead man.
A dead thing can go with the stream
But only a living can go against it.

VIsions of a futures and a present

As i stood there in the sun and heat
I saw something
a glimpse of my future.
A whole lifetime ahead of me
My fate

Then I saw something else
something recently could have been
A trivial task
a meaningless day
but it was different

I realized then
i was seeing my life as it could have been
and what it now was

I know now the feeling
Achilles had when he set off to troy

On this faithful perch

I sit here
upon this faithful perch
Wondering what solace it once brought me

In the dead of night i ask or guidance
A stranger in a familiar place
a guest in my home


I wanted this
to feel unwelcome
a burdon
to speed my departure

This is merely a step
a place to rest my head
before i set out on the great unknown

The smoke fills my face
and i gain nothing from its embrace
in the embers I see beauty.
the death of something
the birth of something new

This is the right path.
And it will not be easy.
I shall not sleep easy any more.

Setting the kindling

the plans are set
The actions are in motion
The fire is sparking
I feel it for the first time in ages
I see it in my face
I see it in my hands
I feel it in my step.

The inferno is brewing
The kindling is being gathered
The fire will come
And cleanse this life.

Drawings of a distant past

I found it while cleaning
While i set the kindling
The pictures jumped out from the page
My horrific art

But in style and meaning
I could never draw an event,
but always an emotion

My emotions are not
for the weak of heart

And i see now the length of the fall.

The fall

Its meaning is whole.
Its reason understood
its power
felt.

I am afraid it took to long
Not the two years i had though
but 7

heh. there is that number
so divinely ordained.
I must wonder about the Nine and Teen
but those numbers are for a King

Jung you bastard

For ages I wondered about your theories
your meanings.
They somehow managed to escape me


He hid them to keep me blinded
So I could not see why it was so
I wondered for ages
and let it tear my life apart
a life that needed torn apart.

But then years later it persisted
I get it now.
I understand the meaning there.

But tell me my dear doctor.
explain to me
The mystery of Z

That dream.

The Dream!

I know her face.
Why it seemed so familair.
She found me
That demoness.
In that dream she came to me.

It was when things started to expire.
I accepted her embrace
And in that moment they conspired
I see now the workings of their plan
Or at least so i think

I am rooting for the demons.
Heres to you my old enemy
my old friend.

May you succede in your plans.

Mine suck.

Sweet dreams

Vague half remembered visions.
Sweet and terrible
Endless ecstasy
and ceaseless torment

He enjoys the dreams
Perhaps to much
I think i know his plan
His scheme.

He is a devious creature.
He has not regard for the rules
But then the rules gave birth to the templar
They are bad rules.

I believe i know his plot.
I shall let him do it.

Remember remember
The fifth of november
The gun powder treason and plot
I can think of no reason
Why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

words like poison

The demoness.
Her words sit in my mind
Perhaps she is right
She always was a queen of swords.

To see something I neglect to see
To tell me the truth when I deny it
She will survive the coming inferno

The words sit here
Like poison they eat away at a part of me
And I let them
Because a part of him has returned
the templar stirs in his grave

But I shall not let such a thing return
He is dead
We killed him.
On an abandoned road he fell
Cold and alone

I have pissed upon his grave.
And never mourned his passing.


The demoness her words ring true.

Damn you Fae. Damn you to hell.

I know, I'll see you there.

An old plan made new again

A relic
From the fall.
A plan
A hope

Once forgotten
Now found.

Anold idea made new again.


I must set the kindling.

Super Heroes

Tonight was a good time to see a ghost if ever there was one. A moonless night with thick mist on the ground.

So I went in search of one.
I went to the grave
The site of my death.
And wondered if he would return.

I stood there, asking answerless questions into the night.
No answers came.
No clues given.
Save one.

I now know the name of the one
Who shares my grave.
I regret that I did not know you in life.
We probably wouldn't have been friends though.
Im kind of an ass.

But this is for you Angela
A person of which I know nothing.
Only that you were unfortunate enough not to walk away from that place.
That nexus of power.

The site is astonishing.
Unremarkable at day,
Mystifying at night.
It is where the templar died.
Where Z broke his chains.
And where I was born.

Unity.

Shattered we stood.
Separate but equal.
I, gentle and kind
Stood steward of the world of light.
He, twisted and vile.
Stood silent in the dark.

For ages we fought
Worlds burned from our wrath.
I can tell you what happens when the unstopable force
Collides with the immovable object.
Madness my friends, madness.

For a while we reveled in madness.
Held close it's blissful irresponsibility
But He was never content.
Never happy.
Hunger, unstated.

He found a way.
Stole the fire from heaven.
Corrupted a god.
And He returned with a vengeance.

Not for me, but for The Templar.
I was blinded by madness and could not see.
Another had taken control.
And had created a life.
We did not want.

So I let him fight.
And fight he did.
With the furry of a thousand suns he blazed.
And among the ashes we stared at each other.

Then the demoness.
She came, lustful and tempting.
We saw in her, what had been in us.
And we knew what had to be done.


I am no longer We.
There is no longer a Z.
No longer a Me.

I am New.
Or perhaps I am Old.
But I am Whole.
And I Am One.

Freedom

I have thought for a long time on the concept of freedom. Freedom in life, freedom in death.

We are slaves to the circumstance of our lives.
These circumstances determine our outcome.
Our nature
Our fate

But what if we were to dictate the circumstance of our lives?
To be free in our own fate.
To be free in our own death.
But life has a way of fucking with our heads.
Chaos throws the unexpected
and Order throws the logical
And our fate is no longer our own

Can we ever be free?
Is our fate written into our genes?
Can we stop our fate?

And what If you see your fate and accept it.
To break it would be to cause pain and suffering to all you know
but to accept it is to endure hell
To wade into the inferno in search of your beatrice

To glance back after your journey
only to see your Eurydice vanish.

And the gods laugh at we foolish mortals.

To kill a templar.

Zealous, and mighty they stand.
Sure of their holy writ.
Steadfast in their blind dedication.
They are not inherently evil.
In fact they are formed with only the noblest of intentions.
But their power corrupts.
They cage the demons of our lives.
They cage our true selves.

And in their wake they leave only the dead and dieing.
Forgive me my love for doing what I must.
I won't let you die.
Even if that means sacrificing myself.
I promised to protect you and I have done it.
This last act of love.
This last act of devotion.

May your templar die.
May your vanity wither.
May your demon be free.
May she glide on wings of harmony to be ever free.
I have given you the tools to free yourself.
Alas you have given me the keys to your cage.


But unfortunately the templar will never let me use them.
But you have the tools to free yourself.
Learn them, use them.
I will hear you calls in the dead of night.
And in that secret place, you will always have sanctuary.

A leap of faith.

I plunged forth into the darkness not knowing what lied ahead.
I had a hope, a mad hope.
And there I sat, waiting. Watching.
With hopes that my hunch might be correct.
And there we sat.
Hidden from the light of day.
Hidden from the thoughts of others.
From the eyes of the world.
And In that moment.
I was right.

Full Circle

I don't even know you.
But I would kill you.
Just on the principle of the thing.
I would kill you and bathe in your blood.
And never bat an eye.
But now I find myself in one of those cold Ironies of life.
We now share a common bond.
Id still kill you though.

Keys be damned.

Forget the keys.
We have forged a new set.
The change is coming.
Its coming faster than I ever predicted.
Few things could stop this.
I see him more and more everyday.
Staring back out of my eyes.
That madman. That Monster.
That Demon.
He may have his day yet.

A dream and the truth.

I dreamt for once, a rarity in my life. And in that dream came to me a truth. A failing. And at first I was hurt. But No. I know what this dream means. It doesn't mean I failed. It means, I won.

The Amaranth and The Demoness.

Two sides of the same coin.
Two sets of keys to the cage.
Both taunt and tease.

The templar tries to return but we stand strong.
UntilI have a set of those keys, I may never be free.

I see you in that mirror.

I see you.
You think I dont see you?
Standing there looking out.
I can see your end game.
I know your moves.
And for the first time since the fall.
I agree.

Wounded

These wounds. i have seen them before.
Their origins always baffled me.
But now Im causing them. I know how i got them.
But I still wonder what gave them to me all those years ago....
Was it... could... no. Impossible.

Evil

Well there it goes.
My passing on of this curse.
The spreading of this evil.
Godspeed my love.
May its manifestation be easier on you.

May the Templar die.

Repetition Is Hell.

It came to me in a dream.
There I stood facing the flame.
As it came I found a seam.
Through it I escaped only to find my self with such despair.

The invader I had chained was no demon.
He was me the me I would become.
I would resist his warnings and teaching in an attempt to remain a free man.
And I stood caged in my cell waiting for the time when I could change.

A time that would never come it would seem..
And when the storm came again.
There I stood watching myself vanish into the seam.
Leaving the demon to fight the end.

After all it was his purpose. Why he came.

Train Tracks

As I lay there three miles from home, in between a set of train tracks while staring at the nearly full moon. I ask, "Why am I even here? What is this supposed to teach me?" I waited for an answer none came. And So I waited, in the back of my head the mad hope came that I would be struck by one of those Iron behemoths. Unfortunately I was not that lucky. I finished off my cigar and tossed it into the water. And began my lengthy trip home. Not a quarter of a mile into the trip my leg cramped up and in the face of the pain I put on my mp3 player. And realize the song it started on auto play was a damned good summary of my life. The last few verses in particular.

(I) I am the one
(The one) Who sold his soul
(His soul) Forever gone to be the
Last Man Standing

Seeing clearer what I've done
I'd refuse to let things go
I could never once admit I'm wrong
And what do I have to show?

Seeing clearer what's at stake
And the things I have to change
I just hope I can, it's not too late
To get a chance to end this pain

yeah, pretty much sums it all up. Then i saw my lesson. I found the gift of the night. That I needed to accept myself. because Im probably going to be around for a while. The pain vanished and I continued my trip home.

The dark and the rain

When i set out on tonight's walk I had a bad feeling about the walk. But hey, no risk no gain.


I decided to take a bike path I had seen but never walked. after an hour of walking god knows how far it started to rain, nothing like a little cold rain to really cleanse the mind and body.

So the walk was as a whole enjoyable the strangest part however was looking at the town in which i live from a hidden perspective. At one part it overlooked one of the busier segments of roadways.all the signs, lights and advertisements so obviously(and logically) set to attract customers from the road, but here i was looking at the backs of the storefronts, That nasty unclean and unappealing side of the pleasantries offered by the businesses.

I felt like I should have had some profound revelation from all of this, but in truth my foot hurt. So much for profoundness.

The silence of the night

At the suggestion of a friend I decided to start taking walks to clear my head and get a grip on my life. However, i never cared for walking in the day, it way to hot, to busy, and to loud to clear your head.

So I take them at night.

Have you ever walked down a road at night? Walked through the emptied streets, gazed at the lifeless buildings, swung on a swing in an empty park?

 The feelings is something simply amazing. To not only be alone, but to be a alive when all around you is dead.

Fear is what many would expect, and sure walking down the turning lane of a street with heavy traffic is a tad scary, but to do so when no one is even out that is freeing.

The traditional rules of the day are gone. Who is to look at you and judge? Who is to condemn an act of perceived "strangeness"?

I have learned one thing from my friend the night thus far, there are two kinds of monsters in this world.
Those that hide in the light and lie through their teeth, who will backstab, betray, and gnaw upon your corpse.
And those who stand proud in the dark, true with the world as to what and who they are.
I know where I stand.